Longing
by vivabellaforall
Summary: HIgh School AU: Everyone has this sort of longing for something to help stop the self-hating. Even if you feel you deserve this painful and empty feeling. Feliciano just wasn't expecting his to come. Ships will become clear with time (expect Spamano and GerIta though).
1. Chapter 1: Meetings

**AN:/ Hello. Before you begin reading, I'd just like to say that everything written in this story is completely and utterly made for one specific person to enjoy. She's rather fond of angst, and really like this story. It's a gift for her, so regardless of any negative thoughts; it will remain up for her. This also means that I am more **_**likely **_**to finish this story when the time comes. The goal is to update every week, but it is merely a goal. **

**The ships in this fic shall become progressively clear, however, they are not the main point of this story, so they shouldn't bother you oh too much. I stated early that I wrote this story with the intention of brining entertainment to one person (who has bugged me to post it here), but do not let that prevent you from enjoying it yourself. **

**I do not own Hetalia, or any of its characters. Please enjoy.**

Feliciano supposed the trouble started with his essence. He was in no way introverted; however he wasn't exactly extroverted either. He supposed he fell on the spectrum somewhere in between. Not quite black, but not quite white. He wasn't even gray though. He felt he was a color; he felt like a pink or a red or a blue or a green or something. Dark and cool yet still somehow capable of being bubbly and light. Not a black. Not a white. Not a gray. Feliciano felt it was his problem though, seeing he was both but neither. He was extroverted enough to make friends, but introverted enough to lose them. And he was so much not of either that he still found himself utterly alone yet surrounded at the same time. He didn't feel like he fit in, like some messed up additional puzzle piece that didn't belong in the first place. And it hurt because he was amidst people who were one or the other.

Feliciano used to have a lot of friends. And he felt utterly happy and secure with them. He felt more open to be himself with them as time went on, showing his true self, and feeling free. But in a midst of all of it, they'd all stop talking to him for some reason. Ignoring him but not. They all stuck together like glue, but he must have been rubber because they kept tossing him out. And for his own masochistic reasons, he worked his way back in, walking on egg shells until they'd forgiven him and they were his friends again for whatever he did wrong. It hurt. He felt constantly depressed. But that's okay. It's okay completely, as long as he didn't show it. He wouldn't get any friends showing the pain he was in. No one likes a sad person. So he behaved, over and over again, and they accepted him again, let him relax and become comfortable again, and rejected him to complete the endless cycle.

As soon as he felt as if he was a good person, a person of worth, the kind of person he wanted to be, he'd be reminded it wouldn't last. And he'd be stuck alone, but not alone. Nothing was alright. What he said was a mistake. What he did was a mistake. And Feliciano deserved to feel ashamed for his mistakes. It was his fault. Always his fault. But he was trying to fix that. It just wasn't enough for the moment.

He hoped that would eventually change.

"Lovino!" Feliciano sang put to his brother as he walked into the elder Italian's mess room. The groggy brother groaned and glared at Feliciano from hazel green eyes. Feliciano never told Lovino how jealous he was of those eyes.

"What?" Lovino hissed out.

"Time for school!" Feliciano replied smiling. Lovino threw a plush tomato shaped pillow at him and mumbled for the smiling fool to get out of his room, so Feliciano did. He headed off to his room to change out of pajamas and into some clothes for school. Black jeans and a plain blue pin striped button up. That looked good, but it wasn't offensive. No one would be upset with that. Not too stylish, not at all bum like.

"Feliciano?" Asked Romeo as he came in without knocking. Feliciano didn't mind though.

"Yes?"

"Have you seen my phone? I'm expecting a very important text message." Just like Romeo. Flirting with women before the sun was up.

"I think I saw it on the island in the kitchen," Feliciano replied.

Romeo grinned, "Thanks Feli!" And with that he left. After finishing getting dressed, brushing his hair and teeth, and gathering up his belongings for school, Feliciano too headed down stairs towards the kitchen.

Grandpa sat at the head of the table, drinking some coffee and nibbling on a homemade biscotti as he read the morning paper. Romeo had a cup of coffee in front of him too, but he was too wrapped up in whoever he was texting to eat or drink. And then Lovino, who was munching on tomato slices and drinking a cup of coffee with so much foam, Feliciano was surprised it didn't over flow. Feliciano himself just grabbed a roll form the previous night and made himself a cup of coffee aswell.

"How did I make it down here before you?" Griped Lovino. Maybe because you didn't change clothes.

"I don't know," Feliciano shrugged.

"Figures," Lovino snorted, obviously still cranky from being woken up.

"Hey, calm down you two," Romulus intervened. "It's too early for this. I haven't even finished my coffee."

Feliciano moved to sit at the table and enjoy his breakfast as Romeo shut his phone to begin conversation. The room was filled with loud and cheerful voices (from all but cranky Lovino). As it should be. That's what they wanted. That's what they expected. Alas, the clock struck seven thirty and it was time for school. Lovino scrambled up the stairs to get dressed, down in less than two minutes very sluggishly yet stylishly.

Feliciano was rather jealous of his brothers. His older brother especially. It wasn't like that was all he thought about, but it was certainly something that crossed his mind often. He felt so awkward in comparison to his brother's. Lovino was carelessly cool, colorful in character, and hard working in comparison. Romeo was an eloquent speaker, witty and charming, topped off with a heart that anyone could love. But Feliciano was just that. Plain old Feliciano. He was smiles and fun, but there was no depth. No talents. No one ever stuck around long enough to check. And even though Lovino didn't have many friends, the ones he did have adored him. And Romeo had tons of friends. Both of them had people they could fall back on if push comes to shove, would come bearing gifts. His brothers had their friends under their thumbs. Meanwhile boring, useless Feliciano was pressed underneath someone else's thumb, kissing their toes.

It was selfish to think like that though. His brothers must have had their own problems. He couldn't see them though. It's so tough to see anything that could bother them. He shouldn't think like that.

Grandpa ruffled the cranky Lovino's hair, ignoring the groan he received.

"How about I drive you boys to school?" he offered.

"Yes please, _Nonno_~!" Feliciano and Romeo chimed together. Lovino mumbled a quick, "whatever" and turned to head out towards where Grandpa's car should be.

Grandpa owned a rather nice car, or at least Feliciano liked it. It was a red Ferrari, a rare one with four seats, with leather interior. Lovino being the eldest of the three slid into the passenger seat without complaint. Romeo slipped into the back seat after him.

"Something wrong, Feli?" Grandpa asked as he clasped Feliciano by the shoulder.

"Of course not, _Nonno_. I'm just a little sleepy from last night! I kept dreaming of food and it kept me hungry at night," he tried to assure. Grandpa didn't think much else of it and just smiled warmly and motioned for Feliciano to take his seat, which he did. Grandpa got into the car soon after, revved the engine, and zipped out of the garage through the neighborhood. Many people had complained about Grandpa's driving, but it always felt fine to him. He didn't understand why so many people had issues with their family driving actually. He and Lovino had problems when obtaining their own licenses for reasons unclear to them.

Grandpa had to slow down behind a blue car with an old woman in it, but he didn't complain. As they passed by houses slowly, Feliciano wondered many things. What kind of wood did they use in the houses? Did the people inside like the houses, or did they just settle to fit their budget? Did they have children? What was their family like? What were they like? Oh, a moving truck. What kind of neighbors would they be-

"ALDRICH!" And with that Grandpa veered across the road, nearly getting hit by two cars and parked in the street (illegally) near the moving truck. He turned off the car, grabbed the key from the admission and sprang out of the car like a dog jumping to meet his owner once again. All three teenage boys starred in surprise as they watched their grandfather tackle a man with incredibly long blond hair not a day over thirty-five. He seemed surprised and he hit the ground and the older Italian hugging him.

"What the fuck is wrong with _Nonno_?" asked Lovino.

"I don't know," Feliciano replied as he unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door. Romeo got the idea and did the same.

"Let's find out."

All three made their way to pry their grandfather off the blond man who started screaming at him and hitting him on the head harshly. Two others came out to help, prying the men off each other.

"ALDRICH!" Grandpa screamed and smiled warmly.

"Romulus?" The blond questioned.

"I haven't seen you in forever! You look so young still!"

"Romulus…. Oh _Gott_."

"You're so skinny though! Have you been eating?"

"Romulus."

"You should come over to my house! My grandsons can cook for you and put some meat on your bones! Speaking of which, last I saw you, your daughter-in-law was pregnant, yes? How are your little grandkids? I bet they're as burly as you were. Are they as hairy as you were?"

"Romulus."

"I've missed you so much my friend! We must go out drinking some time! My treat! It'll be amazing with some bruschetta!"

"How did you find me?"

"Come again?"

"Let me rephrase that, Romulus. Why are you here? Right now. In my drive way?" the two holding back the man with the incredibly blond hair released him, trusting him not to attack Grandpa. Unfortunately, they could not do the same with Grandpa.

"What do you mean? I've lived in this neighborhood for… how old are you Romeo?"

"Fourteen, _Nonno_."

"Fourteen years! The better question is why are you here? I thought you promised never to leave Germany?"

"Long story," The blond man replied and brushed some hair behind his ear. He had a section braid. It looked rather pretty to Feliciano. He was a rather pretty man if that made sense. Feliciano's eyes looked towards the two who held back the blond man. _Mio Dio_.

Feliciano made eye contact with eyes a shade of blue he had never seen. And god they were gorgeous. Feliciano's eyes wondered from those gorgeous orbs towards the pale thin lips that were such a pretty pink tint. He wondered briefly if they were soft. Did they taste sweet like they looked? And that beautiful blond hair slicked back like that. Was this man an angle? He had the same face as the long haired blond. But… it was still somehow different….. Wait…. This was a man though…. What a weird string of thoughts.

Feliciano's eyes quickly darted away towards the other man who held back the older blond. _Maledetto_.

Were all of these men attractive? The other one was a shorter man, albino in features, with a devilish smile and stylishly messy hair. Though he was shorter than the blond teen, he wasn't exactly short. He was still on the tall side. He was rather cute looking too, probably very smooth from the arrogance radiating off of him, but... somehow the blond man was calling to him more. The albino seemed to be looking Feliciano and his brother's over, nodding approvingly.

"_Opa_, who is this man?" asked the devilish looking one.

"Romulus Vargas. We met back when we were young; it was before I met your _Uma_. I don't know who these others are."

"My Grandsons of course!" Romulus said as if he were offended. "They look just like me!"

"Perhaps if you're blind."

"Shush! You're just saying that because you're grandsons don't have a resemblance to you."

"_Nonno_, they're like carbon copies of him," Lovino told him with a sarcastic smirk. Grandpa laughed.

"Aldrich, this is my eldest grandson, Lovino!" Grandpa chimed and pulled Lovino under his arm, who half smiled. "And this is my second oldest, Feliciano!" And he did the same with Feliciano, who added a smile and a light laugh. "And my youngest, Romeo!" Who he yanked by the shirt towards his chest in between his brothers.

"And don't tell me," Grandpa began releasing his grandson's and walking up to the tall blond with the slicked back hair. "Is this the Gilbert you told me was going to be born before I left Germany? Wow. You're so big. Make's sense Aldrich would have a strong, tall grandson."

"Why does everyone think you're older?" laughed a scratchy voice. All eyes went to the albino who was grinning.

"That's my baby Brother, Ludwig. I'm Gilbert."

"... You're so cute!" Grandpa bellowed and pulled him into a hug. "You have your Mother's smile and your father's gleam in your eyes! And you!" He released Gilbert and took hold of Ludwig. "You look just like your father too! You're so big! Look at you!"

"Romulus, please let go of my Grandson."

"Shush, Aldrich. I'm trying to rekindle the years I missed with these two. I was so excited to hear about Gilbert but I had to move before he was born."

"It's very nice to meet you Romulus."

"Don't encourage him, Gilbert."

"But _Opa_, he curious about us. I mean, why wouldn't he be? I'm pretty awesome."

"_Bruder_, please stop."

"I'm heading back to the car, _Nonno_," Lovino announced, a bored expression on his face already.

"Lovino? Come on, this is interesting!" Romeo told him. Lovino just rolled his eyes and headed back to their car.

"I'll go with him," Feliciano smiled and chased after his brother... One... Two... Three! "Hug therapy time!"

"FUCK OFF AND GET OFF!" He yelled as Feliciano wrapped his arms around the older boy. Feliciano really liked hugs. He gave a lot of people hugs quite often, but they hardly ever wanted to give him hugs back. He wondered if people just didn't like hugs or they just didn't like giving him hugs. Whatever it may be, he never had someone hug him. He was always hugging someone else. It was part of his personality. The extroverted side showed through in that sense.

Nonetheless, Feliciano held tightly onto Lovino even when his brother struggled out of his hold. Lovino gave up after a little bit and settled for complaining as Feliciano held onto him smiling. "I think the hug therapy is working, _Fratello_! You aren't as angry as you used to be."

"Shut it."

Feliciano settled for hugging his brother quietly, and then released him so they could walk to the car. They took their seats, Feliciano sitting behind Lovino so they could talk. Feliciano rested his cheek against the back of Lovino's seat as they watched their brother and grandfather speak with the German strangers.

"_Nonno_ never mentioned them before," Feliciano started.

"I can see why. The old one looks like a dick. The blond one looks like he has something shoved up his ass. And look at the pale one. His head is bigger than that loud mouth that smells like bad pizza and soda."

"I like, Alfred."

"Whatever, my point is they don't really seem like something to talk about."

"I don't know about that," Feliciano mumbled into Lovino's seat. "They seem nice."

"You think everyone is nice."

"Is that a bad thing, Lovino?"

"It's annoying."

That stung. He didn't realize it would be annoying to try and be nice or think people were nice... He saw everyone as a potential friend. But maybe people didn't think the same way. And maybe he wasn't that good at making friends anyway.

"I'm sorry, _Fratello_."

"Don't apologize for everything."

"Oh, sorry."

"What did I just say?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Goddammit, Feliciano!"

Feliciano giggled anyway. One of the perks of living with Lovino for so long was knowing when he was getting annoyed and when he was only being mad not because he was, but because he felt he should be. He could be light in those situations. And he was quite thankful for that because he didn't typically have that opportunity when it came to people.

Romeo and Grandpa were back in the car soon after, Grandpa starting the car and zipping the off to school at law breaking speeds. Grandpa spent the entire car ride explaining the whole situation between that blond man and himself. Back when they were teenagers, they had performed in the same play (Grandpa playing a character known as Rome and Aldrich playing a character known as Germania). They became friends soon afterwards for a long time. Lovino seemed interested, but he kept his body turned away as if he wasn't. Romeo kept asking questions, but his eyes kept going to his phone that was blowing up from text messages. Feliciano had sat up straight against the back of his seat long before, plastered on an oblivious smile, and spoke with interest.

When Grandpa dropped them off at school, he kissed their cheeks goodbye and drove off. Romeo sped away just as fast, flashing his brothers a warm smile and promise to catch up later. Feliciano looked over at Lovino. Feliciano smiled at him brightly, and surprisingly, Lovino smiled backed and moved to press his shoulder against Feliciano's. Someone must be in a good mood.

"I'll see you in history class."

"Alright, _Fratello_."

And Lovino left. He probably left to go see Antonio and Emma. Feliciano ventured his way towards where he believed his friends were. At the moment, he was rather close with a young Greek and young Turk. Sure, they had a tendency to unintentionally ignore him, but at least they talked to him. Feliciano's friend Kiku also stayed around with them, but he'd leave often to talk to these Chinese students or hang out with Alfred and Arthur (who Feliciano was rather fond of, but didn't exactly receive the same feelings). If he was right, Hercules and Sadiq were hiding in the library. Probably the school's section on philosophy. He wondered if it would be right to see them, or hide a bit more until their home room started. As much as that extroverted side of him wanted to go off and talk with them, his introverted side needed some time alone. So his feet lead him farther away.

In the north east wing of the second side building, there was this closet Feliciano liked to hang out at. Everything worked and what not, but the whole building was used for special education. Kids with learning disabilities, kids with speech problems, and every now and then an ISS room. The whole building only had about twenty-six rooms, ten on the first, ten on the second, and six janitors' closets in between. There was one at the end of the hall on the second floor that was never in use. Feliciano always liked to play in that room. No one used it; there were available closets on the main campus that weren't in such a weird location. It was a nice set up in his opinion.

He had found six metal chairs in an empty classroom no one used and took them, arranging them in a circle, and sticking a red blanket in the middle of them. When he'd get bored, he'd draw on the walls. So that's what he did today. He drew on the walls and barely made it to home room.

* * *

At home, while he was listening to so soft music in his bed, Lovino stormed into his room and lied in bed beside Feliciano. It was about ten at night, Feliciano's hair was still damp from a shower he had taken, and it was sticking up in uneven messy ways... But Lovino looked like a mess.

"Lovino, what's wrong-"

"Just be quiet. Can I sleep in here?"

"Anytime, Lovino."

The hurt look in the green hazel eyes had already told Feliciano everything. He'd only seen this kind of heart break twice, yet it was familiar enough to be recognized. Feliciano quickly turned off his music.

"What did Toni do?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not seeing him anymore."

"... You wanna' go to bed now?"

"Yes."

So Feliciano lugged out of his bed, thus giving Lovino the opportunity to roll over against the wall, and locked the door to his room. He stripped down to his boxer briefs, set his alarm, shut off the light, and got right back into bed. The room was darker, especially since he had pulled the curtains earlier, but he was pretty sure from the sniffling sound and the slight shaking that Lovino was crying, and he didn't want to be caught.

Feliciano wrapped his arms around his brother and let the older boy cry into his shoulder to the point he didn't even silent his sobs. Poor Lovino. Antonio didn't usually do anything bad, and if he did, Lovino had a habit of forgiving him no matter how much it bothered him. Whatever happened this time must have been disastrous for Lovino to break up with him for. Or maybe Antonio broke up with him. No. Impossible. The love Antonio had for Lovino was obvious to everyone. You could literally feel it radiating off of them. Holding hands, kissing in front of everyone, being practically attached at the hip in the others presence. Lovino always complained how he didn't like it, but he would smile about it later.

"I hate him," Lovino hissed out. Feliciano nodded despite Lovino couldn't see him. Somewhere along the lines Lovino started to state every little thing that he supposedly hated about Antonio. It only made him cry harder. A knock on the door silenced him though. Feliciano removed himself from Lovino, who was now holding him tighter than Feliciano normally held him, and answered it.

Romeo stood in front of him, phone in hand.

"Antonio called me..."

"So you know what happened?"

"Yeah. Antonio may or may not have been sneaking around with Francis..."

"That's terrible."

"Antonio hasn't really been clear on whether it's true or not.

"Did they break up?"

"I don't know...Is there room for one more?"

"We'll make room," he assured.

Lovino spent the next few hours complaining to Romeo about Antonio and sobbing in the dark. Romeo moved to lie against the wall, Lovino laid in the middle, and Feliciano took the edge of the bed. He bet that Lovino probably felt really warm between the two. He must have felt a little better tucked in a secure, warm spot between his brothers'. He hoped it helped the broken hearted Italian. It didn't seem to help much now, but with how early it was in whatever mishap occurred, it's to be expected.

"I hate him," Lovino hissed out again.

"You should," Romeo told him and held onto the brunette.

"You have a right to be angry with him," Feliciano added.

Around midnight, Feliciano found himself with his arms wrapped around a sleeping Lovino with tear stains on his cheeks as a sleeping Romeo lay against Lovino's chest. Feliciano was nearly falling off the bed since it was just a twin size bed, but didn't dare move despite his discomfort.

It was nice. This feeling of being able to help someone he cared for even in the smallest and most insignificant ways. At least then, for that moment, he had someone who actually needed him. Someone who saw his existence as something of value. No matter how short it would live. That was the burden of letting people walk all over you.

Feliciano didn't sleep that night. He didn't know why.

**Here's the first chapter. Personally, from the other chapters I have written already, I think this is trash. Alas, my "Reader" has assured me its good. She claims to relate well to how I portray Feli. I know it seems so out of character, and it irks me so much how bitch Lovi is (I promise, he isn't always like this in this story), but it is supposed to angsty and I don't really write a lot of angst.**

**Leave your thoughts down in the reviews if you want. Or don't. Doesn't really matter. I do hope you have a nice day after you read this. Regardless of thoughts. **


	2. Chapter 2: All Kinds of Relationships

**I'm uploading the second chapter along with the first. I hope ya' don't mind. **

**I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters. **

"We didn't see you yesterday, Feliciano," Hercules murmured half asleep. They were sitting in the library for lunch. They'd show up so often that the librarian didn't care if they ate in there anymore. Sadiq was feeding off of another book, his sandwich long forgotten.

"Sorry, I had tutoring," Feliciano lied. He wasn't exactly a bright student with certain things, so that lie could pass. He wasn't quite ready to give up his secret hiding place just yet.

"What class?" Sadiq asked as he continued reading, still flipping through pages.

"Maths. I'm terrible with them," Feliciano explained. Another lie. He was decent with numbers, especially with percentages and things like that. All of the useful numbers for business were really easy to form. Anything business related was nice.

Hercules was almost dozing off again as Sadiq shook him awake.

"Hey, now's not the time to sleep. We have things to worry about."

"Like what?" Feliciano asked, instantly regretting it. He shouldn't be so nosy, and from the look he just received from Sadiq, who seemed both off guard and upset, he really shouldn't have asked that.

"Something personal. Sorry."

"Oh... I didn't mean to ask you something personal. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Hercules told him, but he was pretty sure it wasn't. It was probably something involving family. He shouldn't have asked. From the time Feliciano has spent with these two he could conclude small things about both of these guy's family lives.

Hercules had issues with his mother, who disappeared when he was a kid. His dad was always working, so they rarely ever spoke. He had no brothers or sisters. He mainly hung out with stray cats from his neighborhood. They were his family.

Sadiq had a lot of tension at home. Siblings. Parents. He didn't really get along with them a lot. Feliciano also suspected that his father couldn't handle alcohol well, but that was never confirmed to him. He spent more time avoiding home than being there.

Meanwhile, to make conversation, Feliciano had spilled his entire life story involving his decently well off family (minus anything about his parents). He spoke a lot about the good things about his life. Never once mentioned the bad. They seemed to get annoyed with that because it made his life seem to be perfect. In all honesty it wasn't, but he wasn't going to fess up on all of the bad just because he wanted to fit in. He didn't think like that. He didn't like thinking about that.

Hercules and Sadiq had to go, handing him some lame excuse to leave. He took it anyway, even though he knew it was false. At this rate he'd be searching for some new friends again. He had surely annoyed these two quite a lot. He wasn't even sure if they liked him anymore. In the beginning they invited him to go places with them... But now they barely liked hanging out with him at school. It was clear to him now. Hard to see before, but with how close they were getting to the end, and the loneliness beginning to return already, he could see it.

So he sat there alone in the library, eating a bag of popcorn and drinking a bottle of water. How pathetically lonely. He left soon after. Lovino may be super clingy today, but that didn't mean they had the same lunch period.

He wasn't sure where to go in all actuality. It would be too conspicuous to go to his hideout right now. He could save that for his off period at the end of the day. He didn't want to go to the cafeteria. For his brother's sake, he had been avoiding Francis. And no doubt he would be there with Arthur, Alfred, and their friends. Where would he go now? It's not like he had any teacher he was especially close to. And the silence in the library would kill him.

Feliciano absolutely hated silence. It scared him. The idea of being in a place where things were so tense that no one could speak weighed the air on his shoulders heavily. And the quiet sound of nothingness was the perfect remind of loneliness. So even when he was alone, he'd hum or sing or play music. Anything to break that Erie silence. That heavy silence. That murdering silence.

There wasn't a place for him to fit in at the moment. He couldn't find a place anywhere. He was all alone.

"Feli!"

He paused and looked towards the direction of the voice. Oh no... Antonio. He was jogging up to Feliciano and stood in front of him.

"Toni..."

"Look, Lovino hasn't been answering my calls-"

"He must be busy."

"Optimistic as always. But no... He thinks I'm cheating on him."

"With Francis."

"Right, but look I'm not!"

Feliciano nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek. If Lovino saw him talking with Antonio he'd feel so betrayed. But on the other hand, Antonio did look sincere with his words.

"What exactly made him think you were cheating in the first place?" Feliciano asked.

"I don't even know. I think someone lied to him."

So? Lovino would obviously need some other ground to prove this. He'd need evidence. Lovino wasn't one to fall for tricks so easily.

"Are you sure there wasn't anything else that could make him feel that way?"

"What do you mean?"

"I... I don't know. I just feel Lovino wouldn't fall for someone telling him something like that so easily. He'd need to see something with his own eyes."

"... When we were younger, before I met your brother, Francis and I went to a party and got really drunk... We started making out in front of everyone, it was sort of what helped us in coming out to our friends, but anyway, a lot of people thought it was funny and took pictures."

"Pictures can be photo shopped."

"Someone could have video tapped it."

"Videos can be tampered with and edited with different programs."

"Work with me, Feli!"

"I'm sorry... I'm just trying to figure out what would be considered proof." Feliciano rolled his hands into fists... With all of this mentioned, and none of it sufficient, what could leave Lovino to believe this? He'd have to have seen it with his own eyes!

"... Did you cheat on him with Francis?"

"I already told you no!"

"... It's just..."

"... I'm going to ask Romeo. I thought you'd help me figure this out, but I can see you don't really trust me."

"Don't be like that, Toni. You're my friend."

"Friends trust each other."

But Feliciano did trust him. He had to question him too. Antonio... He didn't see the tears Lovino had shed, or heard the heart break in Lovino's voice.

"... Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not mad, Feli," Antonio told him and clasped a hand onto his shoulder. "I just think Romeo will be more useful."

Because it didn't hurt to be compared to a younger sibling. And it didn't hurt at all to hear that that sibling were competent when he were not. No. It didn't make him want to cry. It didn't make him his chest clench up like he couldn't breathe well. It didn't make him feel useless. Not at all. Especially while knowing that this could have helped his brother from feeling the pain he did.

"I'll try and call you later."

"Okay, Toni."

Antonio threw him a half smile, not a bright one like he usually had, and walked away. Sure, Antonio had hurt his feelings, but Feliciano couldn't really blame him. He was probably sad like Lovino. He was probably masking heart break too, and thus was being a bit mean unintentionally. So Feliciano swallowed his pain and decided to walk to his class early. So what if he had another ten minutes before lunch was over and technically another fifteen until class was to start. It'd be fine... The teacher would probably be in there, so the silence wouldn't be there as much to kill him.

* * *

In Art class, much to Lovino's dismay, Feliciano was paired with Alfred and he was paired with Arthur. The project was simple, paint your partner. Only catch, don't paint them as they look, but use colors that paint their personality. Simple.

"I really wish they hadn't put me in art class," Alfred told him. "I can't paint to save my life."

"I'm sure you'll do wonderful! Paint what you feel!" Feliciano told him with a smile. The blue eyed athlete grinned back at him.

"I'll probably use up a lot of orange on you," Alfred laughed awkwardly. Alfred was always the kind of guy people liked. And just as much, he was the kind of guy most people liked. But for some reason, he always acted awkwardly around Feliciano. It wasn't like Alfred was rude to him or anything. It's just... He treated him differently, and he didn't understand why. Feliciano figured he and Alfred would make good friends if Alfred would just let him try. It never happened.

Towards the end of class, Feliciano was only partially done with his piece. He'd managed to retain a light blue hue for Alfred's eyes in the picture, representing health. He'd painted his skin yellow for freshness and joy, his hair was brown for masculinity with green coming for luck and his glasses were framed in an extremely dark black color for power and ambition and mystery. He figured everyone had a dark side. Purple remained the back ground color to contrast with his skinned hair.

Feliciano wasn't exactly proud of this piece, but he wasn't ashamed of it either. Feliciano loved art, that was never to be confused. However, the idea of an art class where they dictate what you do for art opposed to inspirational forms was rather irksome. In addition, he didn't fancy the idea of being graded on his work for _effort_. If his works was apparently _perfect_ why did he received a ninety-eight percentile out of one hundred? How did that make sense? Because of this opinion, he hardly ever tried to put his heart into the pieces. No one would be allowed to grade their quality but him. All of his breath taking pieces remained in his room.

Alfred's looked like an orange and yellow blob. A red smile was painted on the blob to match the warm red hair Feliciano had in the picture.

"This painting sucks ass," Alfred groaned.

"I don't think it's so bad!" Feliciano offered.

"Maybe if you close one eye and then the other?"

"Oh! Let me try it!... Oh." He missed the joke by a long shot. Alfred laughed.

"You're pretty funny, Feliciano."

"Thanks," he beamed. Feliciano did love compliments. When he was younger he had a habit of not accepting them if he thought they were wrong, but now he just kept his opinion to himself.

Alfred didn't say much after that, just tried to fix his painting to something of somewhat satisfactory. Feliciano looked back towards his brother, who was painting a wonderful picture of Arthur. They were whispering to one another. Lovino looked angry and Arthur just as angry. Arthur said something that Feliciano couldn't get; he was terrible at reading lips. Whatever it was that he said made Lovino's anger drop quickly and pause in shock. Arthur look nervous and kept looking from side to side as if he was scarred someone had heard what he said. He caught Feliciano starring and he quickly turned back to painting and helping Alfred.

Now he felt bad. He shouldn't have been acting nosy. Even if he did just mean to check and see how his brother was doing.

The bell rang and every put away the materials and their artwork. Alfred said goodbye to Feliciano but made an excuse not to shake his hand when Feliciano stuck it out. Another thing he found weird. Lovino waited for Feliciano outside of the classroom, no longer looking like he was heartbroken.

"Did something happen, _Fratello_?" Feliciano asked.

"Antonio has maths next period, right?" He asked.

"I think so." You should know. You're his boyfriend.

"What do you have next period?"

"Free period."

"Will you come with me to see him?"

"Of course!"

And with that, they walked off to where they believe Antonio would be. They found him standing by his locker on the way to his next class; Francis looked nervous and was standing beside him.

"Toni!" Feliciano called to get their attention. Both looked towards them.

"Lovi," Antonio said in a confused voice, completely ignoring Feliciano. That was okay though. After avoiding him for a whole day, it made sense as to why he would be shocked to see Lovino.

"Lovino, I-"

"I know you're not cheating on me with this bastard," Lovino told Antonio as his gestured to the Frenchman.

"Hey!" He groaned. Antonio ignored him and smiled.

"Yes! That's what I've been saying!... What made you believe me?"

"... It doesn't matter." And now they were all curious. "I believe you."

"So we're alright?" Antonio asked. Lovino nodded.

"Yeah."

Feliciano smiled. He was really happy for them. The bell rang, signaling they were tardy. Feliciano walked away to hang out in his closet while the other three scrambled to class, Lovino and Antonio kissing each other quickly to seal their deal.

On the wall in his closet, he drew a tree with sharpie and crayons. It had peaches and apples and cherries falling from the branches. He still had some room on the other walls. He could make room for more.

* * *

Grandpa invited that German family over for dinner. Romeo hadn't told anyone he had a date and left early. Lovino had Antonio over, so at least Feliciano wasn't alone in occupying the boys. Grandpa had decided to cook dinner for them with Aldrich's help, seeing as the promise of his grandson's cooking couldn't be complete without Romeo.

That's how he found himself sitting in Lovino's room clutching a red tomato pillow as Antonio blared some dub-step music. He seemed to be hitting it off well with Gilbert; they discussed bands, video games, and movies.

They'd all sat in a circle, Antonio next to Gilbert who was next to Feliciano who was next to Ludwig who was next to Lovino who was next to Antonio so he could rest his feet in the green eyed Spaniard's lap.

Ludwig hadn't said anything, but he kept looking over at Feliciano in quick glances. Feliciano only knew that because he kept glancing over as well. It made him feel strange, that Ludwig was just as curious that he had to secretly look over at him too. Not in a bad way.

"So how long have you been here?" Antonio asked.

"A few days in town. About a week here in the country," Gilbert replied.

"And you live with your Grandfather?"

"Yeah. He's taken care of us for a while," Gilbert replied, but from his expression, even Feliciano knew better than to ask. The matter of parents became really depressing to him. Especially when he thought about his own.

"Well, welcome then," Antonio smiled brightly and held out his empty hand as if he were toasting with an invisible glass of wine.

"What school are you going to?" asked Feliciano.

"If you're Grandfather's words mean anything, yours," Gilbert told him with a wink.

"Do you have your schedules already?" Antonio asked.

"I do," Gilbert grinned triumphantly. "How about you, _West_?"

Feliciano found it strange that Gilbert used an English word as a nick-name for his brother. Especially one that was a direction. Ludwig reached into his pocket and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper.

"Well, don't hide from us! Show us!" Antonio laughed. Gilbert pulled out an equally neat folded piece of paper from nowhere and handed it to Antonio. Antonio looked through the paper, smirking.

"Sweet! Your schedule is nearly identical to mine and my friend Francis'."

"Francis?"

"You'll get along," Antonio assured.

"May I see yours?" Feliciano asked Ludwig with a smile. Ludwig nodded and handed him the piece of paper. He unfolded it and checked the schedule.

"We have two classes together; history and maths. That's good because I'm bad at maths. You should help me!" Feliciano told him with a smile. "And you have three classes with Lovino too."

"Joy," Lovino scoffed and moved his feet out of Antonio's lap and got up to exit the room.

"Where are you going, Lovino?" Feliciano asked as he was exiting the room.

"Gotta' piss."

"That's my Lovi, everyone!" Antonio laughed out loud. Gilbert joined in and Feliciano chuckled.

"How'd you two meet?" Gilbert asked.

"Feliciano introduced us, actually," Antonio explained. All eyes hit Feliciano for an explanation. He laughed.

"I remember! Toni and I met at a restaurant and we became friends when the waiters switched our orders! I don't even like rice. I would never order it at a restaurant, especially since they served pasta. Although, they didn't make it too well either... oh right! So we became friends and I introduced him to Lovino soon after and they hit it off!"

"Literally," Antonio laughed. "Feliciano introduced us at a party and I hit Lovino with my paddle while playing beer pong. Not the best first impression. That's not typically how I hit on people."

"Well, it did take you five months to even get Lovino to agree to go on a date with you afterwards…"

"And another three months for a second date," Antonio recalled.

"You're brother's weird," Gilbert told Feliciano scooting over towards him and wrapping an arm over his shoulder's suggestively. "But you're a nice boy. How long will it take for me to get a date out of you?"

Feliciano laughed. Gilbert was a funny guy. Ludwig shifted uncomfortably as he starred at his brother.

"_West_!" Gilbert whined. "You're hardly saying anything."

"I don't have much to say."

"Come on! They're going to think you're shy and awkward in conversation."

"..."

If anything this just made things a bit more awkward. And boy did Feliciano hate awkward moments. He moved out of Gilbert's grasp and the albino crawled over to where his younger brother sat. He pinched his cheeks and pushed his thumbs on the corners of the blonde's lips to make him smile. Ludwig did not look amused.

"_BRUDER_!" His voice pulsated. Gilbert laughed obnoxiously loud.

Antonio stood up from his seat on the floor just to lie in Lovino's bed, hugging one of the other tomato pillows he had. Quietly, Feliciano got up as the brother's fought and the Spaniard watched, and exited the room to his own. He heard Lovino's door shut afterwards, signaling that Lovino must have returned to his own room from the bathroom.

Feliciano went to draw the curtains, as they had been closed by Romeo that morning, so the spilling sunset could fall into his room as it burned away into fragments of the atmosphere.

Feliciano didn't really know why he went into his room, but he was in there. It was like his body thought on its own to leave. He didn't know why it would do that though. Nothing had bothered him.

He decided to grab some CD's to use as an excuse for his absence. What would be good to listen to?

He had a lot of CD's from a lot of different genres. Another problem Feliciano faced was especially hard when it came to music. He typically liked a lot of music from a lot of different genres, so he typically only scratched the surface in a certain genre or somehow obtained the most obscure song that no one had heard about before. And he hated that. You'd think that would make him even more likeable, but it didn't really help because his friends at whatever time would complain about the rest of whatever he listened to, or someone would mention a band and he would have no idea who they were talking about despite listening to that same genre. It's was rather irksome.

"Nice room you got here." Feliciano had been searching through some CD's when Gilbert came in. Their eyes had met and suddenly Feliciano felt sad looking into them. He couldn't fathom why.

"Thanks," he told him with a smile. "I painted the walls blue to match the sky! Such a pretty color! Too bad the sky has so many different colors. I thought about painting the ceiling with stars and then painting the walls different times of day, but Lovino told me not to waste money on paint for walls since I wouldn't be living here forever. I do like the color though."

"You sure do talk a lot." Feliciano could literally feel his cheeks flush, but he didn't say anything, just laughed.

"So what are you doing in here anyway?" Gilbert asked striding towards Feliciano and looking over his shoulder. "What's with the CD's?"

"I figured you guys may want to broad with the genres we listen to."

"How thoughtful! Hey, Feli, I can call you Feli right?"

"Of course!"

"I need to ask you to do something, do you mind?"

"Nope, not at all," he replied, unaware of the life altering question to follow.

"Feli, will you be my friend, despite what pain it may bring?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Will you?"

"Sure."

That's how Feliciano unintentionally signed away his soul.

**I don't believe I stated this before, but if you see any errors you feel I should know about, feel free to tell me. I can edit them out quicker if you tell me right away. The next chapter involves "I love you", just so you know. **

**I shall leave you to your night. Next update will (hopefully) be next Monday. Let's see how lazy I am. Feel free to leave a review if you want, if not then please have a nice day.**

**EDIT: it appears the page breaks I had established weren't set up. I've fixed them though. Sorry if the reading felt blocky before hand.**


	3. Chapter 3: Say I love you

**I'm a day early, but please don't expect this to be a common occurrence. I just so happen to be on the computer already.**

**I don't own hetalia or any of the characters.**

Saying "I love you" and hearing "I love you" were completely different things from feeling "I love you". That's what Feliciano hated about those words. And what's even worse is that some people could not feel "I love you" because of the walls they put up to say to themselves it's not true. And the only reason why Feliciano hated that even more, is because he was one of those people who could not feel "I love you" because he never believed it to be truly directed at them.

Of course, that last part was something he never really thought about, or had even come to realize. It bothered him when others did that, but it never dawned on him he was the exact same way. Not that it mattered. He'd probably be the same even if he did come to realize it.

It was soon after Feliciano made his agreement with the albino that he asked his new friend about that.

"Gilbert," he began. They were hanging out in Gilbert's room, Feliciano sitting on-top of a thick dark blue cotton comforter on Gilbert's bed, shortly after their get together in the Vargas home. Gilbert and Ludwig hasn't started school yet; they were scheduled to start the following week.

"I told you to call me Gil," Gilbert told him, a nail hanging in his mouth by his lips as he hammered some posters onto his recently painted red walls. "And yes?"

"Have you ever noticed how when you say 'I love you' people may hear it, but they never actually feel it and because of that they never believe it?"

"No."

"Oh." And now Feliciano felt odd. That was a silly question. Gilbert was obviously not the type to ask such questions to. They must sound stupid to him.

"I've never had that problem," Gilbert admitted taking a nail out of his mouth to hammer it in the wall. "I don't really say 'I love you'... I can't really remember telling someone that actually."

"Not even your family?"

"Feli, sometimes love doesn't needed to be said to be felt. You can just feel it. Although, I may have mentioned it to _West_ once or twice when we were younger. Never mind, I think I did say it. A few times, but not often. Does that make sense?"

"That makes sense." Feliciano had felt love radiating off of people. "Well here's another question, family aside. Have you ever not been able to feel someone's feelings when they said 'I love you'?"

"I can't answer that either. I've never had someone say those words to me."

"Never?"

"I don't need to, Feli," Gilbert explained as he put down the hammer and walked over to where Feliciano is sitting to admire his work, smirking. "Please. When you're as awesome as I am, Feli, you don't need to be told. You don't even need to feel it. You just know."

"That sounds terrible."

"How so?"

"Not being able to feel loved is very cold, isn't it?"

Gilbert laughed. "That's another good thing about knowing. You already know how cold the world is."

"That's rather bitter."

"... Hey, you wanna' go meet our dogs?"

"Dogs! I love dogs! Little cute ones who sit on your lap!"

"We have really big dogs, Feli."

"Oh... Are they mean?"

"No."

"Okay then!"

Feliciano didn't really bring up that conversation afterwards. Gilbert seemed reluctant to talk about things like that, so he didn't press on.

Sadiq had left school. It was so unexpected, even Hercules didn't seem to know. He didn't turn up. His family said he must have run away. Hercules wasn't much of a talker to begin with, and he started spending more time with his old Egyptian friend, so Feliciano took the hint and sort of pulled away. Hercules noticed, decided not intrude, gave Feliciano a bottle of homemade Greek olive oil (to which Feliciano did the same with Italian olive oil) and agreed to help out the younger boy if he ever needed something.

From all of his new time with Gilbert, Feliciano saw Ludwig far more often. And he loved it. Being used to the bubbly Italian, Ludwig came out of his shell, and although he was confused by Feliciano and did get irked by him easily, he seemed to treat him as a friend too. Sure, he still wasn't much of a talker, but at least he did speak to him. It was rather nice in Feliciano's opinion. He would love to be friends with Ludwig. One sleep over at the Beilschimdt's residence ended up with Feliciano sleeping on the living floor next to a certain albino who tossed, turned, and talked in his sleep and a certain tall blond barricade that kept Feliciano from moving at all. A sleep over at the Vargas' residence lead to Lovino hogging the covers as they shared a bed while the previously stated albino and his brother slept on the carpet. The socialization of the younger members of both families brought joy from Grandpa and contentment from Aldrich.

The following week when both brothers finally began school, so much talk erupted from the school it was nearly inconceivable. Left and right girls were swooning over Ludwig or Gilbert or both. And like Antonio had predicted, Gilbert took a huge liking to Francis, and the three became instant friends. Two days later, and they were called the bad friends trio by men and the bad touch trio by girls, a smirk on both groups faces. As for Ludwig, not really being a social butterfly, he stuck around at what he considers a comfortable distance to Feliciano (who broke said space bubble constantly). In addition to that, conflict arose with Francis, Arthur, and Alfred. Thus causing Kiku to come to Feliciano with the intention of comfortable hanging out. He and Ludwig became great friends (or as friendly as both of them would allow) and all three hung out together. By the end of the week, it seemed all of the clicks had somewhat shifted just with the presences.

Things were looking up for Feliciano. He had a couple of friends, his brother and Antonio were together, meaning a nice non-hectic home life, and he was finally reaching that point where he didn't have to worry so much.

Of course, the cycle that had been formed was inevitable. So as soon as he was no longer worrying about losing friends, as soon as he was beginning to get comfortable, things happened to put him right back in his place.

* * *

Before such trouble could come, friendships had to be built. Groups had to be formed. School is just a battle field for the dystopian sub-society. Laws cannot be controlled by anyone other than those with more money, more years under their belt, and more education. Teams are built subconsciously over who would help the others survive the fight. And even if said person acts like the drone the system wants, the robots, the mindless zombie, the lab rat, they still end up with scars on their back. No one is safe, because if not those in charge, the equals will kill everything at the first sign of weakness. No one is safe. Not even in those precious groups.

In those precious groups, Feliciano always worried, no felt, he was the expendable one. The one who took more effort than what he put out. And he hated it. That's why those groups in which everyone banded in never felt completely safe from the start.

Feliciano was weak. And his existence was meant to be crushed.

Like a bug. Feliciano didn't like bugs.

"Feliciano?" Snapping from his thoughts, Feliciano turned his thoughts to the small blond girl in front of him.

"Yes, Lili?"

"Elizaveta, Emma, Natalia, Katyusha, Mei, Lien, and I were all going to go shopping." Feliciano was surprised she didn't manage to stutter over all of those names. "We were wondering if you'd like to come."

"Of course!"

It was well known that of the three Italian brothers, Feliciano was good with style for women, Lovino was good with style for men, and Romeo was fantastic with both genders. If anyone needed fashion advice, you'd go to Feliciano to help, simply because he was the most willing.

Lili smiled. "Thank you. We're going on Saturday around noon. We're meeting at Elizaveta's house. You'll be able to make it?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he assured her with a grin. Another flash of that cute smile on her lips and she was off.

Lili may have been younger than him, being around the same age as Romeo, but when they were younger, Feliciano swore to have the hugest crush on her. Lili was just so adorable with her little bow she always wore and those big green eyes and that beautiful smile. Of course, her older and frightening brother made sure that was put an end to. Nonetheless, Feliciano still appreciated her cuteness even to the present, and even if they didn't hang out often they were always on good terms.

Feliciano was really good with women. Grandpa always claimed it in the Vargas genes to be good with women. Feliciano could flirt like he could breathe, to Romeo it was first nature, and completely homosexual Lovino could woo any woman off their feet. Even Grandpa still managed to find women in their early twenties who fell for his charm. It was because of this sort of charm that Feliciano typically got along extremely well with those of female persuasion. It was such a shame they didn't really hang out with him enough to be close friends.

During lunch, Feliciano had gone to eating in the court yard under a tree with Ludwig, Kiku, and Gilbert. On that day, Gilbert was sporting a fine red mark on his cheek that greatly contrasted with his pale skin.

"What happened?" Feliciano asked out of concern. Gilbert scoffed.

"That prissy pissant in my science class turned me down, and his girlfriend caught wind of it and graciously hit me."

"I'm sorry," Kiku apologized.

"It probably didn't help that I hit on his girlfriend after she hit me."

"_Bruder_, sometimes I wonder how we could possibly be related."

"Hey, _West_! Don't be mean! I look just like you!" And to show the group, Gilbert suddenly pulled back his hair so it looked like Ludwig's slicked back blond. The resemblance was certainly there. In fact, if a black and white picture was taken at the moment of the two of them, they could be mistaken as twins. "See!"

"Mr. Gilbert."

"Kiku, you can call me Gil."

"Mr. Gil?"

"... That's better I guess. Go on."

"Why do you call Mr. Ludwig, _west_?"

Feliciano had been wondering that as well for a while. After all, it's a rather strange nickname to give. Ludwig cracked a half smile, something not astoundingly rare but still not quite common, especially whenever it was his elder brother who brought it on, and Gilbert grinned like a mad man.

"Don't worry about it."

That certainly did not put their curiosity at ease at all. Kiku didn't pry though. He wasn't that kind of person. Feliciano however, furrowed his brows and let a small, "Please tell us" slip from his lips. On both of the brother's face grew and Gilbert laughed a bit harder.

"Fine, fine, fine. I'll tell you."

This sentence brought Kiku and Feliciano to the edge of their seats.

"Don't tell them," Ludwig lectured, yet he still had smile grin hat was fading awfully slower than usual. There was actually a chuckle in his voice.

"Shush, West. This is a great story." Gilbert cleared his throat and looked the, back in the eyes. "So, when we were kids and learning English, I taught West all of his directions. _East, north, south, west, left, right._ Well, he was terrible with his directions in English for the longest time. One day when we went to Berlin with our Grandfather, we split up and ended off in different directions. I had had surgery earlier in the week and couldn't speak at all."

"Surgery? For what?" Feliciano asked. Gilbert looked a bit shock, as if he had made a mistaken and didn't realize, but casually continued like it wasn't important.

"I had some minor surgery on my lungs. That's not important. The important thing was that I couldn't speak at all. Well, this couple from England walk up to us, asking for directions to some new bar that opened up. They asked in which direction they needed to go. It was east, but West here didn't know anything other than _west_ for directions. Throughout the day, at least sixteen other English speakers asked where they needed to go to get to that bar and he just told them west no matter what other direction it was."

"My English was terrible then."

"You were six, I'm not surprised." Gilbert laughed and continued on with the story, "Ever since that day, I called him _West_. Before then I called him Luddy. And he hated it."

"Ludwig is fine."

"No it's not," Gilbert whined, and then laughed. Feliciano joined in, which made Ludwig chuckle and Kiku laugh quietly.

Ludwig didn't mind if Feliciano hugged him. Nor did he mind if Feliciano kissed him on the cheeks. He also didn't mind that Feliciano would grab his hand whenever he was scarred. Ludwig did seem to mind whenever Gilbert hit on him. And it was always obvious to many that he was frustrated with figuring out why it bothered him. Gilbert knew, but felt he shouldn't tell Ludwig, claiming it would be even more amazing when he himself figured it out. And Feliciano knew that Ludwig would become upset with Gilbert, but he did not understand why either. Despite Feliciano coming to realize a while ago that he had feelings for the tall blond; the idea of him returning those feelings was unthinkable.

After all, who could love plain old Feliciano Vargas, who had brothers who were just as good if not better? Romeo was the most attractive as the siblings, the best at making people feel special, and the best at singing. Lovino was the smartest, the hardest working, and the handiest. And then there was Feliciano who had talents that paled in comparison to what his brothers could do with the same task. And it bothered him, Feliciano, that he was stuck in the shadow of not only his amazing Grandfather and older brother, but also his younger brother as well. Feliciano was nothing more than the failed trial of the three brothers. Or at least he felt that way.

He really needed to stop thinking like that.

* * *

On Saturday, Feliciano went shopping with girls. He wasn't really familiar with Mei or Lien, but they seemed nice.

"Feliciano, does this make me look slutty?" Asked Emma, sporting a right red top.

"It's a tad revealing, but I don't think it's too bad. You wear a lot of jackets over shirts like that anyway."

"Lili, we should get you one of those wonder bras! They make your boobs look two size larger!" Elizaveta recommended as she looked at the green dress she was wearing.

"No!" Said a blushing Lili. "That's too embarrassing! Besides, Vash would never let me leave the house in one."

"Screw what he thinks! What do you think, Feli?"

"I think Lili looks beautiful and doesn't need one of those bras. She's so cute at is."

"Thank you," Lili blushed.

"Aw Feli!" Elizaveta cooed. "You're so sweet, I swear I have cavities!"

"He's pretty good when it comes to clothes. I mean look!" Katyusha grinned as she pulled on a beautiful blue button up. "It makes my boobs look nice!"

"Most outfits make your boobs look nice," Natalia replied as she looked at a white lace mini dress.

"Big is different from Nice."

"Yours are both," Elizaveta winked. To which everyone laughed.

"Feliciano!" Mei smiled and walked over towards him, a frilly pink and blue dress in hand. "You should try this on!"

"Cross dressing! Yes!" Elizaveta smirked and pulled out her phone. "Can I take pictures?"

"What is wrong with all of you," Lien murmured. She had been sitting beside Feliciano simply because she wasn't trying on clothes either. Apparently Mei dragged her along. Feliciano smiled.

"Sure, but only if Lien tried on something as well."

The Vietnamese woman shot him a glare as the others cheer and began scrambling for something for Lien. Lien ended up in a form fitting green shirt, and Feliciano ended up in the pink and blue dress.

"Feliciano, if you grew your hair out and shaved your legs, you'd look like a girl!" Emma stated in awe as Elizaveta took pictures. He nodded and laughed.

"When I was in foster care, there was a mess up in the system that said I was girl, so my foster parents always dressed me in pretty dresses," he chuckled again.

"You were in foster care?" Lili asked. Feliciano nodded.

"After my parents passed away, since my grandpa wasn't exactly where they wanted him to be for raising my brothers and I, so we were in foster care for a while." He shrugged it off so they wouldn't think much of it, but those were really tough times for them. Feliciano cried a lot. Romeo didn't speak at all, to anyone. Lovino was always angry. It was a terrible time, and he didn't talk about it often. Lovino didn't talk about it at all, and things were still a bit fuzzy for Romeo to remember.

The girls did finish their shopping, everyone buying something. They went back to Elizaveta's house, watched a movie, ate some popcorn, gossiped, and then everyone went home.

When Feliciano came home, Lovino was making out with Antonio on the couch and Romeo was reading book in the kitchen. Grandpa must have been back at the office. When he got to his room and closed the door, he looked around and dashed to the stereo to turn on some music to make the screaming silence stop. It was always after he was done spending time with someone he felt the loneliest. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because the absence of a person made him feel bad or the idea that someone would always be gone would. He came into this world alone, and he would die alone. It was a morbid thought, but he had it.

* * *

Ludwig was really handsome. Not just to Feliciano, but others as well. Ludwig had this sort of masculinity that men envied and women lusted for. Feliciano felt both for the blond. He was so strong, smart, organized. He was as masculine, even in a pink frilly apron as he baked Feliciano cookies.

"Where did you learn to bake like this?" Asked Feliciano. They were home alone in the Beilschmidt residence for once, Aldrich off at the doctors for a visit and Gilbert was hanging out with Francis and Antonio for the day.

"Gilbert taught me actually. I'm better than him with baking now."

"I didn't expect you to like baking."

"I get that a lot. You want to lick the spoon?"

"Yes please!"

They ate cookies and talked a lot about life. Well, Feliciano talked a lot. He rambled, but Ludwig didn't mind. He seemed rather joyful on the conversation. Eventually, Ludwig turned on some German techno song and they danced a little. Feliciano even sang, though he didn't know the words.

"Ludwig?"

"Yes?"

"Can you tell the difference between saying 'I love you', hearing 'I love you', and feeling 'I love you'? I asked Gilbert but he didn't really answer me as I thought he would."

"Well. I can."

"How?"

"Um... I read in a book once, that 'I love you' was just a phrase. And hearing it may be said in lies. Saying it can be said in uncertainty. But feeling it would make the words actually worth something."

"That makes sense... Can I ask you something personal?"

"I suppose."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Ludwig shook his head. "No. But... Never mind. What about you?"

"Once."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was with this boy. He died."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm glad I met him. I don't have many regrets with him."

"So, you're interested in men?"

"I'm pan sexual," he explained. Ludwig nodded. "What about you?"

"I'm gay," he replied."_Opa_ doesn't seem to mind though."

"That's good at least. I remember _Nonno_ wasn't so content with things like that at first. When Lovino came out to him, we thought he was going to disown him. But he warmed up to it eventually and now he absolutely adores Antonio."

"I haven't really had someone for him to care about. I haven't had any relationships."

"You haven't? I figured with how Gilbert acts..."

"Gilbert flirts a lot, but it's all platonic. He's asexual. He comes off as flirtatious, but it's mainly an act." This brought on a couple of questions to Feliciano's mind, but he didn't speak them.

"Asexual? So he splits into two to reproduce?"

"That's not asexuality."

"Oh. Well, whatever he is doesn't matter."

"Yeah."

They both got quiet for there, the song still playing in German. Ludwig decided to walk home with Feliciano, claiming that even though Feliciano was a boy, he needed someone to make sure he got him safely.

On the door step of the house, Feliciano thanked Ludwig for walking him home and Ludwig replied with a simple, "any time" response.

Whether it was the occasion or the time he had felt he needed to do it, Feliciano gently took hold of Ludwig's shirt collar and looked into the blue pools. Like magnets, the attraction pulled the, together until their lips were touching and melding softly against each other. It was a simple kiss. Not sloppy. Innocent if anything. And they did taste sweet, those lips, like he had expected. When they pulled away, Ludwig was blushing scarlet. Feliciano was a tad pink too, but he smiled back.

"I'll see you at school."

"Yes."

"Bye, Ludwig."

"Good Bye, Feliciano."

Feliciano couldn't sleep that night. He had this warm feeling in his chest that felt amazing, and he could still feel Ludwig's lips on his. It was a good night. And Feliciano felt better. Such a shame that would have to crash and burn soon after.

**The next chapter escapes my mind (even though its prewritten). I do hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please have a nice day. Bye.**


	4. Chapter 4: Mistakes

**Warning, this is a long chapter. Like 6000 words, man. Be sure to notify me if there are any mistakes you feel I should be aware of. I was really lazy with editing today. **

**I don't own hetalia.**

* * *

Feliciano always considered his family good Catholics. They didn't lie too often. They always prayed before meals and bed. They thanked Jesus, Mary, the Saints, the angels, and The Lord as often as they could. They read the scriptures. All of them were very in tune with their faith. But since they weren't exactly the traditional Catholics, they weren't considered good Catholics by many. Grandpa had a promiscuous life style with many women. Lovino and Feliciano were both attracted to men (despite Feliciano also being attracted to other genders). And Romeo, who stood up for the family that loved him, was considered a traitor to his faith for saying that homosexuality was not a sin. That's why they didn't go to church on Sundays anymore. They were "asked" to leave. It wasn't as if they couldn't find some other church to go to that would be more tolerant of their lifestyle, because they could, it'd be quite easy in fact. But, the principle of the thing prevented them from going. The pride, no matter how much of a sin it was, didn't let them go. And they were content with that's because they knew that god would forgive them not going to church when the church as long as they still loved him and worshipped him. To them, a place didn't matter as much as that.

It was at another Vargas and Beilschimdt family get together that Grandpa explained this. Lovino was mumbling how he wasn't even seeing any man at the time, and Romeo glaring at his food in memory of the whole event. Feliciano was actually sort of quiet himself, eating his delicious pasta. As promised, the Vargas brothers cooked dinner that night (linguini and cams in a red sauce). Gilbert seemed to enjoy his food, asking for seconds, and Ludwig look genuinely surprised by how good it was.

"So that's why we don't go to church anymore."

"I didn't expect that to happen in all honesty," Aldrich replied. Grandpa nodded and took a gulp of some red wine he had put out.

"All for whom I decided to become intimate with and whom my grandsons decided to kiss."

"I hadn't even kissed a boy at the time," Lovino murmured. At the mention of a Kiss, Ludwig and Feliciano glanced at each other and then went back to eating. They hadn't mentioned to anyone about the kiss yet. And frankly, Feliciano was beginning to worry Ludwig regretted it or something. They hung out like nothing had changed, but that didn't mean Feliciano didn't think about it. And boy was it depressing to think that the kiss meant nothing, or made Ludwig feel bad.

Grandpa was laughing at Lovino's comment along with Romeo.

"Hey stop that! It's not funny!" And he quickly turned to Feliciano." Hey Feli, who was you're first kiss with?"

"You already know, _Fratello_," he replied blushing scarlet.

"Oh yeah," Lovino recalled.

"Who?" Romeo asked.

"The blond kid that always stuck to him like glue. Remember?"

"Oh yeah! He brought me candy!"

"I hated that bastard."

"Lovino."

"Stop whining, Feli. It's just a comment. It's not like I broke you two up or anything."

"I know, but still. How would you like it if I said bad things about Toni?"

"You like Toni though. What could make you upset with him?"

"Whenever you guys are too lazy to hide in your room so you guys make out in mine."

"Hey! Stop! This isn't appropriate dinner conversation," Romeo groaned. Romulus laughed and Gilbert chuckled. Lovino stuck to glaring while his cheeks flushed bright red, a light smile plastered on Feliciano's face. Aldrich and Ludwig didn't appear to have changed expression at all.

"You have a very open Family, Romulus," Aldrich commented.

"I suppose so. We aren't really shy about a lot of things."

"Your grandchildren really did turn out like you."

"Aw, Thank you!"

"I don't know if that is a good thing."

"Hey!"

Everyone chuckled at that one. The teenagers found their grandparents' interaction rather humorous. They seemed to make good friends.

"You never did tell me how you ended up caring for these three, Romulus," Aldrich noted as he took a bite out of his food.

"It's a rather uncomfortable story," Romulus admitted. "The boy don't like to talk about it. Issues and stuff after their parents passed."

"What happened to their folks?" Asked Gilbert absent mindedly. Feliciano pushed his plate away, some food still on it.

"_Nonno._ I don't think I feel too well. I feel a little sick. May I be excused?" Feliciano had an amazing immune system.

"Me too... I have a headache and my stomach hurts from Toni's cooking." Antonio was a good cook.

"Same here, _Nonno._ My throat hurts and I just want to sleep." Romeo was singing an hour before.

Romulus looked over at them, eyes showing that he knew they were feeling fine as far as health went. "You may go."

And all three moved their plates off the table, into the sink and up to their rooms. From what Feliciano could tell, Lovino was already calling Antonio in his room so that he could hear a comforting voice. Romeo had started blaring music through his head phones in the other room beside him, proven true by Romeo tapping to the rhythm if fast paced songs quite loudly.

And so, to calm down, Feliciano pulled out a blank paint pallet, some brushes and paint, and began his work. And he painted until he wasn't focused on anything else. To the point where he didn't care what his name was, who he was, what he was, or anything else but putting everything on that canvas. He was so focused on the painting he didn't even notice when Gilbert came in, closing the door behind him and picking up a seat. After about ten minutes, the albino finally broke the noiselessness.

"So you're pretty good with a paint brush."

This comment had snapped Feliciano out of his trance, as his eyes looked towards Gilbert. When did he get here? Oh right. Answer him.

"I'd like to think so. I won some awards for paintings and art when I was a child."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They called me a prodigy."

"How come you didn't go on to be an artist then? I mean, you'd be a professional by now then, right?"

"When I grew up, I was no longer a prodigy even though I was more skillful then before. I was just a teenager with a paint brush."

"Things like that happen a lot," Gilbert told him. "When I was kid, they told me I was really smart because of how easily I could do their basic work in things like math and science. But now whenever I don't get something that's explained to me the first time round, I'm afraid I'm an idiot or something even though I know I'm not."

Feliciano paused. "I get like that too, but I'm not good with school anyway. I'm not that smart."

"Yes, you are. You just don't show it."

Feliciano had to laugh at that one. "What makes you say that?"

Gilbert sort of half smiled. "If you're good with a paint brush you must be smart, even if it isn't in the traditional school way. You see Feliciano; everyone has the ability to be a smart person, but never in the same way. It's why some of us are better at other things than others. Like your paintbrush, you're a genius with it in hand, but that doesn't mean you're amazing at science. You're still smart, just not as educated in a certain subject. And you ask a lot of questions. Only an idiot remains silent when they genuinely have a question. It's one thing to not have anything to ask, but to want to know something and not say that is stupid. You always ask questions, and no matter how silly they may be, when they're answered you're more informed. That makes you very smart."

Feliciano didn't ever really think of it that way. He had always stuck to this idea that he was stupid because of how much smarter someone else was, but... He still felt like he wasn't that smart, but thanks to Gilbert's words, he felt as if he was a bit smarter. Even if he was still and idiot. And this idea made him feel a little better about himself seeing as he felt he was useless half the time and talentless the other half. Paintings or not, it didn't matter. A pallet, a canvas, and a paint brush wouldn't help him. It was a considered useless talent. You can't live on that. You'd starve. But... Now it was something that wasn't as bad.

"You're really smart, Gilbert."

"I'd like to think so," he replied with a smirk.

"How'd you do it?"

"I'm German. Well, Prussian, but that's another story."

"Joking aside, what made you so wise?"

"I don't have time not to be."

"What?"

"Life is short. You're born. You grow. You give birth. You die. Some people don't even make it all the way through before dying. I have more important things to do before I'm pushing up daisies and forget-me-nots." The albino got up and walked over to Feliciano to stare at his painting. "This is beautiful."

It was a small person, gender uneasily identified, standing on the ground surrounded by fluffy clouds and flowers. There was a smile on the person's face, but tears ran down the checks leaving silver lines. "What do you call it?"

Feliciano already knew the answer to that one. "Hell."

Gilbert didn't say why he came into Feliciano's room that night. He did leave an album for Feliciano to listen too. He wondered if he'd like this "bowling for soup".

* * *

"You kissed him!" Lovino hissed under his breath as he and Feliciano walked to school. Romeo had managed to actually become ill and was not coming to school. Feliciano nodded with cherry red cheeks. He had finally worked up the courage to tell Lovino. The two were extremely close, even if Lovino was distant, and even if Feliciano was jealous, the two were always content with spilling their guts to each other.

"I did."

"Why'd you do that for?!"

"I like him."

"No no no no no."

"What is it , _Fratello_?"

"What is it with you and blonds?!"

"Hey! I haven't only been interested in people like that."

"That blond kid, Lili, and this bastard."

"What about Michelle? She was from Africa and spoke French. Her hair was brown! Well, I'd say somewhere between oak and milk chocolate. Like maybe-"

"She doesn't count!"

"Why not?"

"Because I said so! Look, you can't go after this bastard! He's just going to hurt you!"

"_Fratello_, you're worrying over nothing. Ludwig hasn't even talked to me like we kissed. He hasn't mentioned it at all. I think he regrets it..."

"... I'll kick his ass!"

"No!"

"Yes! No one kisses my baby brother and hurts him! I'll ring his overly muscular neck!"

"_Fratello_, please!" Feliciano said as he began to beg. "Don't mess with him! It doesn't matter! Please! He didn't do anything!"

"I know that! You said that was the problem! Leading you on like that!"

"I kissed him!"

"He didn't say no, did he?"

"Well, no."

"Did he push you away?"

"No."

"Did he kiss back?"

"... Yes."

"Then he led you on! How dare he play with my little brother's feelings like that! I'll-"

"Lovino, Please don't interfere!" Feliciano nearly screamed.

First mistake.

He felt terrible afterwards. Did he really become cross with Lovino? Speaking of whom, was looking at the hazel eyed Italian in shock before becoming angry. Like seriously angry. Not his usual casual anger.

"Don't." Feliciano could hear him grit his teeth. "I'm trying to look out for you. Don't bitch at me!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean too-"

"No! Shut up! You're always like this! Always apologizing. Do you ever actually mean it?" Feliciano always meant it. "Fuck off. I don't care anymore. Take care of yourself, because I'm not doing it."

"_Fratello_, I-"

"Shut up!" And with that, Lovino walked on ahead with speed and purpose leaving Feliciano behind like always. Feliciano had managed to wreck something once again. Great. He always did this. Like Midas was to gold, Feliciano was to destruction. He ruined everything that he touched.

Something salty fell from his lips onto his tongue. Oh. He was crying. Feliciano wiped his tears. No one cared if he cries. It was pointless to do so. He did it often, but that didn't mean he didn't know it was stupid. It just made things worse for him. He was such a useless crybaby. What bigger waste of space could there be besides him?

He suddenly felt ill. His stomach was clenching and felt strange. Perhaps he shouldn't go to class. He'd skip and just stay in his closet. Lovino wasn't the kind of person to tell _Nonno_, especially now that he was angry with the auburn haired Italian. He probably wouldn't even mention his name. Lovino hated him right now.

Right now?

It's a surprise he didn't hate Feliciano all the time. Because Feliciano certainly did. Some days less than others, but in that moment, right then, he hated himself a lot more than usual.

"Feliciano!" He paused and quickly wiped away his tears so whoever called him wouldn't see. It was futile, and that was obvious as he turned around.

"We're you crying? What happened?" Asked a worried Francis.

"I saw a caterpillar and thought it was going to turn into a beautiful butterfly soon! So I wished it a happy life and hoped it had pretty wings with lots of pretty colors so it'd feel beautiful even though right now it was just a cute chubby caterpillar, but a mean black bird ate it and it made me cry! That poor caterpillar still wanted to be a butterfly but it's not ever going to be one now because of the bird. But then I got mad at myself because the bird had to eat too in order to survive, so I started crying some more and then I felt bad because I was like the mean bird because I eat meat and then I felt even worse because I also eat vegetables and fruit and-"

"Woah! Calm down! Don't cry over things like that! It's okay," Francis consoled him and patted the Italian's shoulder. He appeared to have fallen for the lie. Feliciano was a decent liar. He had a tendency to babble when he was being honest, so it never through anyone off when he did it while lying.

"Where's your brother?"

"Lovino is mad at me and went to school without me."

"What made him so angry?"

"Um... Er... It's a secret?"

"Do I smell love, Feliciano?" Francis asked with a suggestive smirk. Feliciano only smiled back.

"I'm not allowed to say."

"Aw! I can feel the romance! Which reminds me, I need to ask a favor of you!"

"Sure. Whatever you need." Great. He was letting Francis walk all over him just like everyone else. What sort of man does that? Oh wait. Useless, spineless Feliciano does.

"Will you go on a mock date with me? I need your help. Care to go along?"

"Of course."

Second mistake.

This was the beginning of a truly terrible day for Feliciano Vargas.

* * *

News spreads fast. But rumors spread faster. And gossip pays its way in gold. By the time school had reached its second rotation, everyone was talking about the "fist fight" Feliciano and Lovino got into. Lovino, being pissed with his brother, didn't accept or deny any claims. And Feliciano was hiding out in his closet, painting rain clouds above the tree that was there. By third rotation, word got out about Francis and Feliciano's "hook up" apparently before school started. Tales were told of their "sex life", secret affair, and "fetishes". It was decided that this supposed relationship is what started the fist fight between the two brothers. And when Lovino heard this, he threw a tantrum and earned himself a detention for being angry with how they were speaking about his brother and punching some idiot in the face.

"Don't you dare make him out to be a whore!"

Around lunch though, Lovino was steaming mad, Francis was agitated, and Feliciano was still hiding in his closet. No matter how secluded he was from his classmates, the gossip made its way in and he knew exactly what everyone was saying about him. So, he decided it'd be best to just go home. It was a simple plan, leave without being caught, and claim he didn't go to school. Grandpa wouldn't care as long as he didn't do it often.

He got home around twelve fourth-five. Romeo was passed out on the couch. Grandpa must have been working. Feliciano went into the refrigerator, got himself a small snack, and headed up to his bedroom. Music was turned on, the painting from his talk with Gilbert, snack half eaten and placed to the side. Paint was collected and he continued on the piece with minor things. He always saw so many more flaws in a piece after he had "finished" it. Touch ups were a necessity.

Romeo came in later, cheeks still a bit flushed from the illness he was fighting.

"You're home early?"

"I didn't feel like going to school."

"Something happen? Want to talk about it?"

"Yes please."

And Romeo took a seat on Feliciano's unmade bed and wrapped himself up in a blanket.

"So what happened?"

And as he painted, Feliciano explained everything that happened from his conversation with Lovino to the fall out to Francis to the gossip being spread around school.

"Wow," was all Romeo could reply. Feliciano just nodded and continued painting. "That's silly though. Everyone knows you and Francis aren't like that."

"I'm going on a date with him."

"It's a mock date. Besides, why did you agree? You're into, Ludwig, right? Wouldn't this turn him away?"

Feliciano bit on the inner edge of his lip. "I don't think it matters. I think Ludwig really regrets that kiss."

"I don't think so," Romeo replied with a half smirk.

"What makes you say that?"

"You haven't seen the way he looks at you when you're not looking. You have both boys wrapped around your finger."

"I don't think that's true... What do you mean both?"

Romeo just winked. Oh how Feliciano hated his own obliviousness. Lovino never had this problem. Romeo didn't either.

"What are you going to do about the rumors?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"What can I do? I don't want to blow Francis's cover."

"Yeah, but these rumors can do bad things to you. And that's not good for you."

"FELICIANO VARAGAS!" Oh, Lovino was home. Both Romeo and Feliciano, got up and headed down stairs, towards the front of the house where they assumed Lovino was. And he was there, Antonio standing behind him along with Francis, and Gilbert.

"_Fratello_! Welcome home!" Romeo grinned. Antonio waved towards the youngest Vargas brother.

"Hi, Romeo. I need to speak with Feliciano." At mention of his name, Feliciano hid behind Romeo. That didn't help at all or stop Lovino from walking over to them, grabbing Feliciano by the back of his shirt collar, and dragging the auburn haired teen up towards Romano's room.

"_Fratello_, I know you're probably still mad at me." Lovino shut the door behind him and pushed Feliciano into the center of the room. "But I am sorry-"

"Shut up." And somehow Feliciano found himself in the embrace of his older brother. Tightly. It was quite a shock. Lovino hardly ever hugged Feliciano for any reason unless Feliciano initiated it. It wasn;t because Lovino didn't care about Feliciano as much as if was that Lovino wasn't much of a touchy feely person. So, while still surprised, Feliciano slowly wrapped his arms around Lovino to return the hug, and mumbled into his shoulder, "_Fratello_?"

"I'm sorry I got pissed with you this morning." That was an even bigger surprise than the hug. "I got upset and I took it out on you."

Had Lovino been feeling just as bad as Feliciano had over what had happened?

"_Fratello_... I'm sorry for snapping at you. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

"Its fine, Feliciano."

And they sort of held each other quietly, Feliciano pressing his cheek into his brother's shoulder, and Lovino pressing his own cheek against the side of Feliciano's head. It was relaxing. Feliciano had forgotten what getting a hug from Lovino was like. It'd been so long. And yet it was so familiar and just as comforting as it was when they were children. Feliciano really did love his brother. When they were younger, their closeness made everyone believe they were twins. Lovino typically took offense to it, but Feliciano enjoyed the idea of sharing a bond like that with Lovino.

Lovino pulled away, his typical scowl on his face, but body language suggests he was no more angry than usual.

"Thank you, Lovi."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay~!"

"And don't tell anyone about this."

"Okay~!"

"And another thing, what's this thing about that French flirt? I thought you were into that blond bastard?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I hope I didn't do something wrong by telling Romeo!"

"Tell him what?! What the fuck happened?"

"I need to ask Francis if it's okay to talk about it or not!"

"What in the name of garlic powder are you talking about?"

Feliciano gently grabbed the wrist of his older brother and lead him downstairs. Half sick Romeo was talking with Gilbert and Francis while Antonio mad snacks and drinks.

"Francis! Francis!" Feliciano called as he entered the room and looked at the blond.

"Hello Feliciano," the Frenchman grinned and winked.

"Francis, Am I not supposed to talk about our agreement?" Feliciano asked, a worried expression on his face.

"Not at school. But with pretty much everyone in this room, go ahead," he replied nonchalantly as he took hold of the glass Antonio handed him. The Spaniard also handed Gilbert and Romeo some glasses as well, and walked with one towards Lovino, draping an arm around his shoulders and kissing his temple.

"I want a damn explanation as to what the fuck is going on between this snail eating asshole and my brother now!" Lovino hissed.

"Simple," Francis told him and sipped his drink. "Feliciano is going to be my fake date so I can get my boyfriend back."

"Thank god," Gilbert murmured.

"The hell?! You agreed to that?!"

"Well, yes. But-"

"No! He's not going to be your fake whore just so you can go around and try to get into Arthur's tight ass pants!"

Francis spit out his drink at that remark, coughing to clear his throat. Gilbert and Feliciano tried to calm him, shocked expressions matching along with Antonio's and Romeo's. Feliciano was confused.

"How did you know about that?" Francis asked once his throat had calmed enough for him to speak.

"Wait, whoa," Gilbert began. "You're a thing with that Brit you're always fighting with?"

"How did you know about that?" Francis repeated, azure eyes searching for an answer in Lovino's hazel orbs.

"Do you recall when I was told and given supposed proof of Toni's affair with you?"

"Lovino, I thought we were passed this-"

"Antonio, shush. Yes, I recall."

"There are many things I can say about you, Baguette breath," Lovino began. "I can say you're the biggest slut to walk the earth. I can say you're a huge dick. I can even say that you're a stubborn, gross, asshole."

"Please, get to the point," Francis groaned in annoyance and irritation.

"The one thing I can't say about you is that you're a cheater. You sleep around a lot, dump people for no reason like an ass, but you're strictly monogamous. So when Arthur told me the truth about you, I knew it wasn't true about what was said involving you and Toni."

"You'll believe Francis doesn't cheat, but not me?" Antonio asked, the sadness from lack of trust obvious on his face. Lovino didn't reply back, just bit his lip and murmured something incoherently.

"What?" Antonio asked.

"He said that he can't think clearly when it comes to you," Romeo said with an unctuous expression. Never had Feliciano seen Lovino's cheek so red so fast.

"I'LL CASTRATE YOU!"

"Don't kill him, _Fratello_!" Feliciano screamed in fear as he got in between his two brothers. Lovino was of course, held back by Antonio before he could get anywhere near Romeo, a smile and expression saying he was on cloud nine.

"Wait, I don't think I understand," Gilbert began, gaining the attention back to the topic at hand. "Why didn't you two tell anyone about you guys?"

"Arthur hasn't come out yet," Lovino said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "He's afraid because his family is so homophobic, that's why that idiot who smells like bad pizza hates me and my family."

"Wait... That's why he doesn't act normal around us?" Feliciano asked. "I always thought he was okay with it since he hung out with Francis."

"He's slow with some things," Francis began. "I don't think he has anything more than suspicions when it comes to me."

"Wait, but everyone's talking about you and Feli," Antonio noted.

"Well, now he knows. I mean, before this happened. I don't really care anymore. I need my Angleterre back."

"Wow. I never thought Alfred would be so hateful like that," Feliciano thought aloud. The idea of hating someone for their sexuality always lay unsettling in his stomach.

"He's not so much hateful as ignorant and afraid," Gilbert began. "I spoke with him once. He's uneducated in those kinds of things."

"Pretty much. His step mother is pretty big on one man one woman, and his father has this thing against _cock suckers_," Francis said in disgust. All of them made an annoyed face at the term _cock sucker_.

"I hate how they say it," Antonio groaned. "What's so wrong with wanting to please my man?"

"Toni, stop it!"

"What? You act like I've never gone down on you."

"TONI STOP! My brothers are here!"

"We already know about it," Feliciano and Romeo claimed simultaneously.

"I hate everyone in this room," Lovino growled under his breath.

"Hey, don't hate me because I'm awesome," Gilbert arrogantly smiled. Lovino just rolled his eyes and Gilbert winked at him.

"What happened that ended you and Arthur?" Asked Romeo.

"He got afraid of getting caught when Mathew walked in on us."

"Who?" Gilbert asked.

"Oh, right. You're new and he's shy. You probably don't know him."

"He's Alfred's half-brother and Arthur's step brother," Feliciano explained. "He doesn't care about those sorts of things though. I remember talking about it with him on a school project."

"While he doesn't care about others, I'm half sure he's in the closet as well," Francis half laughed. "It's rather funny."

"So how does Feliciano fit into this? I don't want him getting hurt," Gilbert said questionably as he moved to wrap his arms affectionately around Feliciano's shoulders.

"I figured if Arthur thinks I'm dating someone else, he'll consider coming back to me and maybe come out to his family."

Wait..., what? "That's what you want me to do?" Asked Feliciano. "That's terrible!"

Lovino was glaring at the blond. "You really are an ass!"

"Excuse me?" He asked confused. Francis was sure they were beginning to understand.

"You're using Feliciano to lie to everyone, ruining his clean reputation, and doing it all so you can get your boyfriend jealous enough to come back to you and come out to a family that he feels will not except him, which could harm his life and put him in danger! You're manipulating his feelings! That's abuse, bastard!"

"And to make matters worse, you haven't considered his feelings at all," Romeo added in, obviously irritated. "He doesn't feel ready to come to terms with who he is with others. It's really hard for some to become happy with it themselves when they have his background."

"Do you love him?" Feliciano asked.

"Of course!" Francis told him, and that showed true in the blue eyes of the blond.

Antonio stepped up to the plate for the next bit, "Love is patient. You should tell him you love him, but let him become comfortable with coming to terms with himself to his friends and family. He didn't break up with you because he doesn't love you anymore. It's because he's scared of what will happen to him. Give him some time, and show that you'll support him until he's ready."

Francis knew so much better than this. He was the one who gave relationship advice. The fact that he would feel like this would be an option spoke to how crazy the Briton must have made him. It wasn't justied… but it certainly helped in understanding. The look on shame that graced Francis' face spoke to how bothered he truly was by this position. He knew it was wrong.

"... I guess I didn't think about that... I was so concerned with getting him back."

"Maybe you never lost him," Feliciano told him with a smile.

* * *

The final and largest mistake of the night, the mistake that would truly mess up Feliciano's existence following this day, happened later on around eight at night. Sure, he had made up with Lovino, but rumors of the fist fight still remained, so a majority of people believed Feliciano was secretly violent. And the rumors about him and Francis were still there, making everyone believe whatever they thought about that. Romeo had even mentioned after dinner that he was receiving text messages asking if he was gay because now that people had heard about Feliciano with a man, even though he never kept his sexuality a secret, it "must" have been Vargas jeans to be gay. Romeo was rather annoyed by it.

But this was all before the third mistake Feliciano made. At six fifty-fifty one, he was in his room with Gilbert, speaking about the day, sexuality, love, and things along those lines. Today, they were putting a jigsaw puzzle together, a thousand pieces of three kittens.

"So, since you don't feel sexual attraction, does that mean you don't date or anything? Like, you don't fall in love or..."

"No, I can still have platonic relationships," he replied as he put the kitten's face together. He was the kind of guy who started from the middle of the piece, not from the edges. "If I have a crush, it's called a squish."

"A squish? That's fun to say! He's my squish! She's my squish!" Feliciano smiled warmly. Gilbert chuckled.

At around seven thirty, Feliciano felt it was time to walk Gilbert home. Antonio claimed that he wanted the spend the night, so by Grandpa's rules, Romeo had to bunk in Lovino's room and Antonio had to bunk in Feliciano's room. So, while Antonio got situated, the albino and the smiling Italian left. This was the beginning of leading to the mistake.

They smiled and talked as they walked.

"So this one time West and I...

"... Then Lovino, Romeo told me..."

"... And _Vati's_ expression was priceless!"

"And that's when I met, Michelle!"

When they approached the Beilschmidt home, Gilbert was just finishing a story about an ex-girlfriend of his. The third window on the second story was dark. Ludwig must have been asleep. Gilbert motioned for Feliciano to come towards the door.

"Here! If you ever need inside, we keep a spare key under the head of the stone dragon, not under the feet," Gilbert explained and showed him by screwing the head of the stone dragon lawn ornament once to the left and twice to the right, then popping it off to reveal the key.

"That's nifty! And thank you!"

"No problem," Gilbert grinned and unlocked the door. "I'm awesomely good at judging people, so I have faith that'll you'll use this knowledge responsibly."

"Of course! And I'll call ahead of time too!"

"Don't bother. Just come when you please. _Opa_ likes having you around, and West does too. Even if he doesn't admit it."

This maid Feliciano blush. It shouldn't have meant anything, but it did. Gilbert walked inside his house, the door half closed and smiled at Feliciano.

"Be safe going home. It's dark out! Do you need me to phone someone to come get you? I can walk back."

"No! That's a bit counter-productive! I'll be fine!" That was the mistake.

And Feliciano spun around to go off running, waving good bye.

"Bye!"

"Hold on for a second!" And he paused confusedly as Gilbert smiled brightly. "I hope you don't mind that you're my squish!" And he shut the door before Feliciano could reply.

And boy how he felt horrible! He didn't feel anything like that towards Gilbert! Had he lead him on somehow? Oh gosh, oh gosh! He didn't mean to. How could he explain he didn't like him back? How could he get to be with Ludwig, knowing now that Gilbert liked him? That'd be like stabbing him in the back, and he really valued both of their friendships.

Feliciano really should have been focusing on his surroundings. Maybe then he would have noticed the sound of footsteps running behind him. That could have prevented the blow to the side of the head. Or the punch to the eye. And maybe even the kicks in the chest. He regretted his mistake.

"Bastard."

He couldn't see who was attacking him, but things were hard to tell in the dark while everything's a blur as you're fighting back. It looked like three people, probably all guys, who were attacking him. Only one of them spoke, and Feliciano recognized his voice but couldn't figure out who it was. He felt some one pull at the latch of his belt and he thrashed around even harder.

"No! No! NO!" And he tried not to cry, he really did, but it was so overwhelming for him.

"Shut him up!" A second voice snarled. He recognized that one as well, but he could figure who it was.

"HELP! HELP!" Wait... Help doesn't usually work. "FIRE! FIRE! FI-" something thick was shaved into his mouth. A type of fabric, and it tasted awful. His zipper was pulled down and he squirmed even harder, tried punching these guys. Come on, Feliciano! You're a man! Defend yourself!

His pants were pulled to his knees as he kicked whoever it was harshly. By the cry the guy made, Feliciano must have hit his crotch.

"Bitch!" Hissed one of the others as he punched Feliciano in the eye again.

A flash of lights came by and His captors suddenly let go, froze for a moment, and sprinted off, they're running footsteps leaving him behind on the side walk, pants pulled down, and body swelling along with his eyes, something in his mouth. A car screeched to a stop, and someone got out.

"FELICIANO!"

Grandpa? Was that him? Someone rushed over to him, gently picking him up by his shoulders and tenderly touching his face.

"Feliciano!" That was Grandpa. Feliciano tried to see him. Maybe with the car beams he could actually see something. Though his swelling eyes, Feliciano could see his Grandpa. He was crying. Grandpa never cried. He quickly removed the fabric from Feliciano's mouth.

"Feliciano... Who did this to you?"

"... _Nonno_... It hurts."

"Shhhhh! It's okay. I know, I know."

"Did they stab you?"

"...No."

The questions were harder to answer. They conveyed slowly for some reason.

"Did they touch you?"

"... They tried... I screamed... I fought."

"G-good boy. Come on. You need a hospital. Let's file a police report."

"... No hospitals. No doctors."

"Feliciano, we have to!"

"... No, _Nonno._... Please."

"... Alright. I think your nose is broken. If it's bruised in the morning though, you ARE going to a doctor."

"... Carry me?"

And Grandpa picked up Feliciano in his arms, tears staining his face, and carried him to the car to sit in the passenger seat. When they started driving on the road, Feliciano began to cry, even though it hurt a lot and the saltiness tasted bad. Feliciano did not have a good day.

* * *

**To be fair, this chapter is like the size of two, so don't be surprised if I don't update next week. I'm tired. And I still have an essay to write for English. And papers to print. Physics homework to complete. Algebra to cry over. But I'm editing. **

**Procrastination, thy name is I. Anyway. Like I said, don't expect a chapter next week. I'm thinking of switching the day of uploading to Sundays, because it seems to be a bit more convenient. In addition, I have two one shots that are eating my insides out and threating to devour my soul, so there may be some delay in writing as it is. **

**What else…. Have a nice day, ya'll. **


	5. Chapter 5: No Hospitals

**Just for a fair warning, I did a terrible job at editing! I'm really tired. Well, here it is. **

**I don't own Hetalia or its charaters.**

Perhaps, somewhere in his minds deepest of dark corners, there was a voice shouting to be heard. And that voice was more than likely his most sinister of voices. His cruelest of voices. His most realistic of voices.

"You know it's your fault." That had crept into his mind as he was lying in bed; Antonio sprawled out on the floor unknowingly of what had happened to Feliciano hours before. Antonio was wearing some of Grandpa's old clothes. Feliciano hadn't even changed out of his. "You really should have known better. Going out so late? You're a weakling. You can't take care of yourself. What made you think no one would see you as an easy target? Especially when you weren't paying attention. You should have been paying attention, and maybe this wouldn't have happened."

Don't blame me for walking outside. This isn't my fault.

"Of course it is! You were asking for it. You know you were. You come off as desperate to everyone you're close to."

I just wanted friends.

"Friends? Who'd want to be friends with you? Look at you! You're a whore. Explaining you're feelings for Ludwig, leading him and his brother on, and then having the audacity to go out with Francis."

It was a fake date.

"And that makes it alright? You knew that was wrong. And let's face it; no one else knew it was fake. Everyone probably thinks you're disgusting. Everyone probably thinks you're Francis's whore. And when you're parading around under that title, no wonder someone would try to sleep with you like earlier."

It was assault.

"No it wasn't."

Yes it was.

"No it wasn't."

Yes it was... Wasn't it?

"No. It wasn't. It was you're fault. This happened. You should have been able to stop them. You're not a girl at a disadvantage to them. You're supposed to be a man. You should have been able to prevent this. Do you know how embarrassing this must be for your grandfather? One of the manliest of men there are? His grandson being some wimpy girlie boy. He must be so ashamed of you. Even more ashamed of you than when you killed you're parents."

...

"So you understand."

_Nonno_ isn't ashamed of me.

"Why wouldn't he be? I mean, look at you! You're the most disappointing of his grandsons. You're the weakest. You're the reason his son is dead. You're supposed to represent him, but you're a terrible representation."

_Nonno_ isn't ashamed of me!

"Denial is one hell of a thing, isn't it?"

Just stop! Be quiet! I don't want to hear this.

"But, Feli, you do. You wanna' hear this because you know this is the truth! And I know for a fact you want to hear this!"

No you don't!

"I do! I do, because I am a part of you, and as much of a decent liar you are with others, you're a terrible liar to yourself. These are your thoughts. My voice is your voice. All and all, I haven't said anything you haven't already thought."

Feliciano quickly dragged himself out of bed, minding out for Antonio, grabbed his phone and headed downstairs into the garage. His finger dialed Gilbert's number, despite what the albino had said earlier. Feliciano had been told to call Gilbert if he needed anything. He really needed someone right now. It only rang twice.

"Hey, Feli! Why are you up so early?"

"Can I come over?"

"Like now? Um, sure. I have company though, if you're not bothered by them."

Why was Gil up so early with people?

"Can you come pick me up?"

"If you really need me to."

"I need you to."

"... I'll be there." And he hung up. He really sounded serious.

Deciding not to try and worry Gilbert with his terrible, red, swollen appearance, Feliciano moved out of the garage into the living room, searching for Romeo's black hoodie. He put it on and pulled the hood over his head, tugging on it so it covered his face. He paced around the living room until there was a soft knock on the front door. Feliciano answered it, but didn't turn on the light, quickly exiting his house and getting out on the porch with Gilbert. Gilbert was panting loudly,

"Did you run here?"

"You sounded like you needed someone badly," he puffed out and tried to catch his breath. It was comforting that Gilbert was so willing to be with him. They began to walk towards Gilbert's house, slow enough for him to catch his breath, and quick enough to not feel like they weren't going somewhere. When he finally did speak, Gilbert seemed a bit calmer.

"Why did you call me?"

"...I had a nightmare." He lied. He hadn't even gotten to sleep. He supposed the past hours have been a nightmare if sorts.

"About what?"

"... Terrible things."

"Ah. You wanna' tell me about them?"

"... Not really."

"Then I won't push you."

"...Who's over at your house?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said you had visitors."

"What? Oh yeah. That prissy pissant and his devil-woman girlfriend are spending the night."

"Who?"

"Roderich and Elizaveta."

"Oh." That was a surprise.

"I know, I know. You're thinking why someone so awesomely badass like me would want to hang out with losers like them."

"Well, actually I think they're very-"

"For some reason, I like hanging out with them. I can't fathom why."

"I wouldn't expect you to like them after the slapping incident."

"I didn't either. I kinda' hated them, but we ended up together in a class assignment and we all just sorta' fell together like we were friends in another life or something."

"I've never had that experience."

"I hadn't either before. And don't worry, you're still my favorite!"

"Oh... Gil...about what you said..."

"About you being my favorite?"

"Not exactly, but close."

"About you being my squish?"

"Yeah. I didn't mean to lead you on or anything, but I-"

"You have a thing for my brother. I know that."

"Wh-what? You did?"

"I'm not blind. I mean, West is, but I'm not. I know you don't like me like that."

"And that doesn't upset you?"

"Of course not. I really do like you, but I doubt you'd be happy with me, no matter how amazing I am. I just want you to be happy."

"... I don't understand. If you have feelings for me, wouldn't you want to be with me?"

"I'd love to. I just don't really want you to sad since you don't like me, and like I said, even if you did, you wouldn't be happy with me. It's a waste of time to worry about those sorts of things. Besides, you've kissed West, right? He has first dibs."

"He told you about that?!"

"Why wouldn't he? I'm his older brother! He tells me everything because he knows I'll kick his ass if he hides things from me. Believe me; he's terrible at hiding things from me."

Feliciano didn't know if he believed most of that. Ludwig was pretty tall and buff, it didn't seem like Gilbert could over power him, nor did the stoic blond seem to be the kind of person to show when he was hiding something.

"Hey, what's up with you two not talking about it, by the way?" Gilbert asked as they neared his house.

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't done anything with him or talked about that kiss."

"... I didn't want to push him to talk about it, so I've been waiting for him to say something about it. But he hasn't even been able to look me in the eyes. I've been worrying if he regrets it."

"No he doesn't. He just doesn't have the balls to talk to you normally. He wants to ask you out, but he's worried you'll reject him. He was a bit heartbroken over that whole Francis thing until I, being the awesome big brother as I am, educated him over what really happen."

Something warm ran through Feliciano's sides, and wrapped around his chest. His stomach started to fall, but it didn't feel bad. So Ludwig did have feelings for him. And he didn't regret Feliciano's kiss. That felt really good, especially after the past day.

Gilbert opened the door, motioning for Feliciano to go in first. Feliciano walked inside, not bothering to remove his hoodie just yet, as Gilbert walked inside and locked the door behind him. They walked towards Gilbert's room in the dark, quietly so as not to wake Ludwig and Mr. Beilshcmidt. There was some quiet music playing from his room, but not loud enough to wake anyone.

They opened the door to reveal Elizaveta passionately kissing Roderich on Gilbert's bed.

"Don't make out there!" Gilbert nearly screamed. They separated and looked at the two in the door way.

"Is that Feliciano?"

"My baby!" And Elizaveta pushed Roderich away like he was nothing and ran up to Feliciano, hugging him tightly. "Why are you up this late? And... What happened?!"

Oh no. Elizaveta was shorter than Feliciano... She could see up his hood.

Her hand went out to his cheek out of instinct, and the suddenness along with pain made him wince loudly.

"S-sorry! What happened?"

"Um... I..."

"What's wrong?" Gilbert asked, suddenly worried for the auburn haired boy. Sighing, Feliciano pulled off his hood. Gilbert and Rodeirch gasped.

"Woah," Roderich murmured and stood up from Gilbert's bed to Feliciano's side. "You look terrible."

"Thanks."

"Oh quit it. You know how I meant it."

"My god! Who did this shit to you?" Gilbert hissed. He looked like he was ready to bite heads off. "Who's ass am I kicking first thing in the morning?"

"Please, calm down! It's not anything to worry about."

"Not anything to worry about?" Elizaveta questioned. "Both you're eyes are black and blue!"

"Don't forget his nose," Gilbert said as he gently took hold of Feliciano's chin and forced him to face the albino. "It's bruised. Your nose is broken."

"You need to go to a hospital then," Roderich replied.

"No hospitals!" Feliciano demanded before he could even take a breath. "No hospitals! No doctors! No! Anything but that! Please!" And like the baby he felt he was, tears started to well into his swollen eyes. They hurt a lot now. He broke out of Gilbert's light grasp and looked away.

"Okay, calm down. Shhhhhh... Gil, Roddy. Don't push him. Now, Feli, please explain what happened."

He really didn't want to. That was the whole purpose of coming over. To forget about what had happened. He was a fool for believing this wouldn't happen. Gilbert would have found out eventually.

"I don't really want to."

"Feli, please."

"Eliza, don't push him," Gilbert told her and placed a hand on Feliciano's shoulder. "Fine. No hospitals. No talking. But I do want to know who did this by the end of the week."

"I don't know. It was dark."

"... Alright. Do you want an ice pack for your eye?"

"No, I'm fine."

"It looks like it hurts a lot though," Elizaveta murmured as her fingertips brushed just below the bruising. She had soft hands.

"I'm okay," Feliciano tried to assure, but Gilbert had already lightly pushed Feliciano into the room, and disappeared behind a closing door to retrieve an ice pack. Looks like no one would be listening to him. Elizaveta lead Feliciano to sit on Gilbert's bed, she sat beside him. Roderich moved to sit at the chair beside Gilbert's desk.

"How did you're brother take it?" He asked as he picked some dust off his shirt.

"He was asleep when I came home. He doesn't know."

"He's going to be angry," Elizaveta murmured from beside him. More than likely. Lovino was going to be pissed. Gilbert came back and sat down beside Feliciano, placing an ice pack over one of his black eyes.

"Try to alternate when they get numb."

"Thank you, Gil."

The four of them hung out in Gilbert's room from that point on. Feliciano took to laying across Gilbert's bed, running his fingers across the red, soft fabric. Elizaveta ended up sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, black skirt riding up high on her thigh, in front of Gilbert who decided to braid her hair (something that both Feliciano and Roderich found weird). Roderich popped in some classical music CD.

"Chopin," he told Feliciano and held out the case for him to see.

"No Tchaikovsky?" Elizaveta asked.

"I left the CD at home."

"What about Beethoven or Hayden?" Gilbert asked as he released the braid he was making and started over.

"My father borrowed them."

"Any Vavaldi?" Feliciano asked.

"My mother borrowed those."

"Why can't we listen to my music?" Elizaveta asked. "We already listened to yours, Roddy."

"No one wants to listen to that girl's crap you like," Gilbert replied like it was nothing. He receives a punch from said female for that comment, and the braid fell out loosely.

"Shit!"

"Shut up. You deserve that. My music isn't girly, nor is it crap."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night? Now hold still." He earned himself another smack for that.

They settled on listening to Chopin until around two when Elizaveta popped in some other artist.

"Of Mice and Men," she told Feliciano and Gilbert.

"Okay, they're not girly. I thought you wanted to listen to that Ready Set crap."

"I like The Ready Set!" Elizaveta defended.

"They're lame," Gilbert replied.

"I like them too," Feliciano told Gilbert. He scoffed.

"I'm completely alone here."

"I don't like them either," Austria piped in as he casually scanned Gilbert's personal library.

"Yes, but I don't value you're opinion," Gilbert replied with a half smirk. Rodeirch sent him a glare.

Feliciano wasn't sure when, but he ended up painting Elizaveta's nails as Gilbert played with her hair. Black nail polish since that was all the nail polish in the house. Gilbert enjoyed painting his nails black from time to time apparently. This nail polish dried easily and went on quickly as well. Feliciano was pretty good at not getting it on her fingers, despite never applying nail polish to anything.

"You're pretty good at this," she acknowledged.

"Well, He is pretty good with a paintbrush," Gilbert added.

"You are?" She asked.

"His works are breath taking," Rodeirch said as he read one of the books off of Gilbert's shelf. It had some German title. Feliciano couldn't read German.

"They're not that good."

"I've seen the ones at school and they're amazing."

"I don't try hard on those pieces. All my good art is at home."

"Can you show me?" Elizaveta asked. Feliciano, with cheeks tinting pink, nodded.

"You should come over and see them."

"They're amazing!" Gilbert assured. Oh right. Gilbert has seen one of his works. Feliciano continued to paint Elizaveta's nails without looking up. He felt a tinge embarrassed.

"I finished the nails," Fleiciano announced.

"Your hair is done too," Gilbert grinned.

"Let me see."

They all got hungry around five thirty in the morning. Elizaveta left, claiming she had to get back before her parents realized she wasn't sleeping in her room. Rodeirch stayed, borrowing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from Gilbert. Feliciano ended up cooking breakfast in a pair of Gilbert's sweats and a small t-shirt from when he was younger. Ludwig came down groggily as he was cooking.

"Bruder, are you cooking?" He asked as he walked into the kitchen eyes half closed. Gilbert was still in his room, getting dressed.

"Morning Ludwig." The groggy blond's eyes shot open and looked up to the Italian.

"Feliciano! What are-" his words were visibly caught in his throat as he caught sight of Feliciano.

"My god. What happened to your face?"

"Thanks."

He walked over quickly, finger tips brushing up below Feliciano's jaw and guiding his face up to meet Ludwig's eyes.

"_Shieße_... Who did this to you? And why?" The anger was notable from his eyes.

"I don't know. They got me when I was walking home last night. It was dark."

"What did Lovino say?"

"Nothing." Why was everyone asking about Lovino? "He doesn't know yet."

"GILBERT! _WO IST FELICIANO_?"

"Oh, _Opa_ is up."

"_KÜCHE, OPA_!" The sound of loud footsteps quickly followed, and the head of the house came down stairs and rounded into the kitchen. Unlike Ludwig who had his hair waved out in a cute way that allowed for his bangs to fall around his forehead, Aldrich still kept his perfect, long, golden locks with a braid along the side.

"Feliciano! You're grandfather called saying you're supposed to be home. He said something happened last night. What-" and he froze just like his grandson. He looked just as shocked. "What happened?"

And, because he was a weakling (and oh how he hated it) along with the loss of sleep and how many times someone had asked that when he just wanted to forget, he started to cry. And Roderich who was on the couch in the living room called for Gilbert. Gilbert came rushing down the stairs to hold him as he cried. And what he regretted the most was that the only words he could say, the words he kept repeating, were "I'm sorry". And he hated how that made him sound like a victim.

* * *

The cast wasn't as big as he thought it would be. It was kind of small, and in addition to that, a pretty blue color. That didn't mean that they didn't have to sedate Feliciano to even get him into the building. And that also didn't mean that he didn't feel like a hideous monster for having it.

To make things worse, the doctors made Feliciano retell the story while Gilbert and Ludwig sat in the room and Grandpa held his and like a child. Grandpa looked so sad. Ludwig couldn't look him in the eye. Gilbert got really angry.

When he got home, Lovino was angry too. A lot angrier. So much angrier, Gilbert looked like he was on cloud nine.

"No one hurts my brother!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "No one!" And then, he ended up ruining a vase and a painting. When he was younger, during and after being in foster care, he was a very angry child and had outburst like that. He even started screaming in Italian. Those were very naughty words.

Gilbert, Ludwig, Feliciano, Lovino, and Romeo all got to stay out of school for the day. Antonio decided to skip, not caring that his parent would be angry. Francis, Roderich, Elizaveta, Hercules, Kiku, and all of the girls Feliciano hung out with from time to time came and visited. He didn't want to see anyone, but he saw them all anyway.

"It's my fault," Francis told him. "Rumor at school is that the guys who did it were trying to get back at me for stealing their girlfriends at some point. I'm so sorry I dragged you into this."

"It's okay, Francis. I don't blame you."

And Feliciano didn't. He really didn't.

Ludwig gave him another kiss once the two of them were alone. He was nervous, timid, and worried. But it was so sweet. Feliciano really liked it. They bunked noses, which hurt them both more than it would in normal cases due to the cast.

"I'm sorry this happened."

"It's okay. You didn't do it to me."

"I should have protected you."

"You don't have to. It's not your job."

"I want to though."

"...l can I have another kiss?"

And they kissed again, sweetly at first until things heated. They stop with Feliciano's fingers unbuttoning the top button of Ludwig's shirt, Ludwig's own fingers wrapped tightly in his hair. It was better this way. They didn't want to have regrets.

This made Feliciano smile. He didn't know why.

Lovino cooked dinner. Linguini with clams in a red sauce. It was delicious.

"My favorite," Feliciano noted as he was handed some warm toasty garlic bread.

"Yeah," Lovino replied. "I was in a craving for it, so..."

He couldn't just say he made it to make Feliciano feel a bit better.

"Thank you, _Fratello_."

"Shut up and eat your clams."

When Gilbert, Aldrich, and Ludwig left, Feliciano watched them from the doorway. Ludwig and Gilbert both waved goodbye and... Oh no. Oh no. Deja vu should not apply. It should not apply. It should not... Could it be... NO!

"Hey, you look like you've seen a ghost," Romeo said as he sat down beside Feliciano as he watched from the window.

"How long... How long has Ludwig looked like Reich?"

"... You actually said his name."

"How long?!"

"... Lovino and I knew from the start." So that's why Lovino didn't like Ludwig.

"... No. No. No no no."

"What?"

"... _Fratello_... What if I don't actually like Ludwig?"

"What do you mean? Of course you like him. I can see it in your eyes."

"No... What if... What if I only like him because he reminds me of Reich?"

"... No. You aren't like that. You didn't even notice the resemblance. You're over that blond boy."

"Then why would I have feelings for someone who looks so much like him?"

"Chance."

"Is it really?"

And now he wanted to scream and rip something apart. Anything to release this tension. Because Feliciano was unsure whether he truly had feelings for Ludwig, or if he was just simply not over the dead boy who stole his first kisses. And he cried again.

**God, this is terrible. I apologize. I'm not really fond of this story, but I did promise my dear sweet friend I would stand by this ship 'till it sinks. So I shall. There will be another chapter next week. I was really lazy on editing, so if you feel there is some kind of mistake (and there probably is), tell me and I'll edit it. **

**Have a lovely day~! Bye.**


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